


In plain sight

by Luonnotar



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Office, Dysfunctional Family, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Secret Relationship, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:13:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 30,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28318026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luonnotar/pseuds/Luonnotar
Summary: “Why is this happening to me?” San whined, his face buried in his hands
Relationships: Choi San/Kang Yeosang
Comments: 140
Kudos: 155





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to T and T for their ongoing and unwavering support and very helpful input.

“Why is this happening to me?” San whined, his face buried in his hands, elbows on the table they had picked at the corner of the busy bar. His voice would have been loud enough to turn the heads of other patrons, if not for the music drowning out the Friday night chatter. 

“It’s just an audit. You'll survive. You've been there before," Wooyoung said, taking a sip from his drink.

"It's a _risk assessment inspection_ , Wooyoung. Not the regular audits for accounts certification. It's going to take weeks, possibly months," San replied, still not looking up.

Wooyoung and Yunho had suggested an impromptu outing after witnessing San's mini-meltdown in the break room earlier that day, but so far it was doing little to cheer him up. 

His phone vibrated in his pocket, and San took it out to check the notification. It was a text from Siyeon. A picture of a crib with the caption “ _A present from mom and dad._ ” He replied with “ _It’s very nice_ ” and hoped that would be the end of the conversation, but she almost immediately sent another message. “ _Will you come by on Sunday? We’re going to paint the nursery._ ” Great. San felt his heart sink in his chest. He considered leaving her on read, but after a moment’s hesitation, he answered with “ _Can’t, I have plans. Sorry_ ,” and set his phone on silent mode. He had enough on his mind with work. He didn’t need any more stress. Maybe he should have gone straight home.

He felt a hand on his shoulder shaking him a little, and Yunho's sympathetic voice came from the seat to his left, saying, "Thinking about it isn't going to help, you know?" He then stood up, gestured to the mostly empty glasses on the table and added, "Next round is on me. Same thing?"

"Oh no, I'm going to need something much stronger than beer. See if they have absinthe," San quipped, while Wooyoung nodded. Yunho chuckled as he made his way towards the crowded bar.

"So what's so special about this risk assessment thing?" Wooyoung asked, barely looking up from his phone. San was grateful that he at least tried to seem like he cared. Talking about his work bored San to tears, so he could easily imagine how even more boring it was to hear about it. 

"It's a mission ordered by our supervising branch. Basically they suspect that some things might not be working as they should, so they hired an external team to look into all of our processes in detail," San explained. “I’ve always managed to stay out of these things, but with my promotion, Minji made it clear that I’m going to take on a bigger role for this audit. As if I didn’t have enough on my plate as things stand.” He lowered his head into his hands again and groaned.

“I’m sure you’ll manage,” Wooyoung said. San felt his friend’s hand ruffle his own hair and he sat up right, batting it away. “And if you don’t,” Wooyoung continued, setting his phone down, “I’m sure Minji won’t throw you under the bus for it. She’s a decent boss, isn’t she?”

“She is,” San said, “and that’s why I don’t want to let her down.” Kim Minji was well on her way to become the company's next CFO. She had a way to get the best out of her team without making them feel pressured, and had shown San nothing but support and trust in his abilities, pushing for his promotion to senior accountant even though he wasn’t confident he was up to it. He would hate himself if anything he did impeded her career. "Maybe I should just quit," he whined.

"No one's quitting," Yunho said as he sat the drinks on the table. "Rum and coke for you," he announced, pushing the glass towards Wooyoung, "and the strongest thing I could afford for you is vodka, so here you go," he said, turning to San and setting three shot glasses filled with clear liquid before him. "Drink up and forget. I know you couldn't afford your new place without your current salary, and you're definitely not going to move back in with me."

"Wow, thanks Yunho," San exclaimed with fake outrage. "Nice payback for all the times I did your laundry for you." He picked up a glass and knocked back its content.

Yunho chuckled and said, "You did that once, and only because you felt bad for breaking my favorite mug." He took a sip from his club soda, as he was their designated driver, then cleared his throat and added, "Actually, there's something I wanted to tell you guys."

Both San and Wooyoung stared at Yunho, who suddenly looked uncharacteristically serious. He was about to speak when the group of boisterous touristy-looking people at the table next to theirs got up, loudly dragging their chairs on the floor.

After they left, Yunho continued, "I’m thinking of asking Yoohyeon to move in with me." His ears were bright crimson as he said those words.

Wooyoung let out a comical gasp and reached across the table to punch Yunho on the shoulder, nearly yelling "no fucking way!"

San tried to put his thoughts a bit more eloquently. "That's amazing, Yunho. I didn't know things had gotten this serious between you two," he said, giving his friend’s forearm a squeeze.

Yunho and Yoohyeon had been dating for a little over a year, and San had gotten to hang out with her quite a few times while sharing an apartment with him. The couple was so in sync and seemed so happy together that this new development didn’t really come as a surprise to him. This had to have been the reason why Yunho hadn't taken in a new roommate after San had moved out on his own.

"Yeah, I guess they are," Yunho replied, looking equal parts thrilled and horrified. "I just hope she'll say yes. It's not too soon, is it? You guys don’t think I should wait a bit?"

"It's not," Wooyoung retorted. "You are so cute together, I can't wait to hate being around you even more," he lifted his glass at that and Yunho imitated him, grinning like a fool.

San couldn't help the smile that stretched his lips. "I hope that you've learned to pick up after yourself in the three months I've been out of the apartment."

Yunho's indignant response was somewhat drowned out in the noise made by the new occupants of the table next to theirs. Four men around their age, in suits that indicated they too were office workers, sat down. One of the men in particular caught San's attention. His blond hair was styled in a mullet that would have looked hideous on anyone else, but combined with his striking features, it looked rather dignified. 

Shaking his head, San turned his attention back to his friends, who had somehow moved the conversation towards Wooyoung’s latest hook-up. “I really wasn’t feeling it over text, but I figured meeting for coffee wouldn't hurt, and that went great. The chemistry was there, and he looked better than in his profile picture, so I invited him back to my place and—"

San tuned the conversation out at that point, knowing Wooyoung's tendency to overshare. He usually did not mind but tonight he found he wasn't as keen on details of a random Tinder user's dick size. He drained his second glass and let his mind wander towards more pleasant subjects as he started properly feeling the effect of the alcohol. The failure of his attempt was glaring, however, when his thoughts turned to work and the upcoming inspection.

He was about to give up and call it a night when he noticed the blonde guy at the other table looking at him. Their eyes barely locked before the man looked away, but San saw the hint of a smirk tugging at his pink lips.

San tried to get back into the conversation his friends were having, but his attention was drawn to that stranger, who was now laughing at something one of his companions had said. He seemed to have a habit of putting his hand in front of his mouth when he laughed, and San found that endearing. After a moment, the man's eyes found San's again, and there was nothing endearing about the glimmer in his gaze.

That little game of hide and seek went on for a while, and each time, their eyes met with more and more insistence.

A sharp pain in his shin drew his attention away, to Yunho who was glaring at him. “You haven’t listened to a word we’ve been saying, have you?” he said, raising an eyebrow. “I get that he’s hot, but the reason we came here in the first place was to cheer you up. I had other plans, you know, and they didn’t involve you eye-fucking a random guy in my presence.”

“You did cheer me up,” San protested, “and I appreciate you guys so much, but this,” he discreetly gestured towards the other table with his hand, “is pretty fun too— Wooyoung no, don’t turn around!” he hissed at his friend, too late. Alright, so subtlety was out the window now. 

“Oh, he’s hot,” Wooyoung exclaimed as he turned back to face San with a grin. “You should go for it, buy him a drink or something.”

“That only works in movies,” muttered San. He would love nothing more than to “go for it,” but he wasn’t sure how to go about that. His seduction game was a little rusty. He couldn’t quite remember his last anonymous hook-up. It was definitely before Saehyuk. They had broken up over four months ago, but work had been consuming most of his waking hours, and he had made a habit of turning down offers to go out with friends more often than accepting them. 

Shaking these depressing thoughts off, he grabbed Wooyoung’s mostly empty glass as well as the unused straw that his friend had discarded earlier. He stuck the plastic tube in, suggestively wrapped his lips around it and raised his eyes towards the blond guy, who was following his movements with intent. This time, neither of them looked away, and San could've sworn that the man's ears had turned slightly rosy, but that might have been a trick from the bar's dim lighting.

Both Yunho and Wooyoung were gawking at him, seemingly stunned into silence, but San didn't particularly care. He felt bold and light, which was probably the effect of the alcohol he had ingested.

"I didn't think you had it in you, San," Wooyoung whispered, wide-eyed.

San slipped the straw out of his mouth, but not before sticking the tip of his tongue out to swirl it around the plastic, then answered, "Sometimes you just have to say 'fuck it' but I'm sure you of all people don't need me to tell you that."

The blond man had turned his attention back to his companions. Laughter had erupted at the table and he was grinning, but San thought he detected a hint of tension in the corner of his lips.

Before he could look away and try to give his friends some of the attention they deserved for putting up with his antics, the stranger locked gazes with him again, and briefly tilted his head towards his left.

San froze. Had he imagined that? Or was the man trying to convey some sort of signal? Before he could react any further, he heard Yunho's voice beside him whispering, "Did you see that?"

The man didn't wait for a reaction from San. He stood up and walked towards his left, where San knew the bathrooms would be.

 _This is happening._ San took all of twenty seconds to assess the situation. He’d had a shitty week, and the upcoming ones would probably be even worse. He deserved a break. 

Pushing his chair back, he said, “If you’ll excuse me, gentlemen, I’ll be back in a few.” 

Wooyoung guffawed in response and Yunho just rolled his eyes, a tiny smile tugging at his lips.

As he made his way towards the bathroom, San had to steady himself a couple of times by holding on to empty chairs on the way. He was more buzzed than he thought.

Once at the door, he paused long enough to take a deep breath, then pushed it open. There didn't seem to be anyone else in there beside the blond man, who was washing his hands while staring at San through the mirror above the sink.

San's throat felt suddenly dry. Was he supposed to say something? The other man seemed content to remain silent. He finally settled on a "Hi," that came out in a higher pitch than San intended.

"Hello," said the stranger in a surprisingly deep voice. He finished drying his hands with a wad of paper towels, then he turned around and walked up to San. They were almost of a height, San being probably a couple of centimeters taller. The man was also slighter than San, with narrower shoulders and thin arms, but there was an intensity in his large brown eyes that made San feel small.

Something tightened in San's belly when the stranger's eyes fell to his lips. They both were here for a reason, and more words weren't really needed. He leaned in and captured the other man's lips with his.

San felt like everything around him was spinning. The man did not hesitate to open up and deepen their kiss, one of his hands cradling the back of San’s head, the other holding him by the waist. His lips had an artificial raspberry flavor, probably from his chapstick, and San could taste scotch on his tongue. He moaned as the man pulled away and moved his mouth along his jaw and down his neck, occasionally nipping at the sensitive skin. 

A niggling voice in the back of his mind told him that perhaps he shouldn’t be doing this with someone who hadn’t even offered a name, but then the nameless man pressed the palm of his hand on San’s hardening dick, and the voice was effectively silenced. San was about to suggest going to his place, but it felt so good to have a warm, solid body against his, and the man’s lips made his skin tingle whenever they touched it. San just wanted to enjoy it a little bit more before they had to move on.

He pushed the man towards one of the open stalls for more privacy but somehow, he tripped on his own feet and would have fallen down without the support of two strong arms holding him up. “Are you okay?” he heard the deep voice asking him. He had closed his eyes momentarily but his vision was slightly delayed in catching up with his surroundings when he opened them again. 

“Yeah, I’m fine, just a bit dizzy,” San enunciated. His eyes focused on the face in front of his. Eyebrows drawn up in concern, pink mouth slightly pouting. He leaned in again to kiss it but a hand gently pushed him away.

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” the stranger softly said. “You’ve probably had too much to drink.”

San deflated. He felt his own face crumple. It didn’t make sense for him to feel such crushing disappointment being rejected by someone he met less than an hour ago, but he was feeling the impact of the stress he’d been under at work and, coupled with the alcohol in his bloodstream, it made it really difficult not to be affected. Still, he managed to mumble, “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry.” 

The blond man smiled at him, showing a row of small white teeth, and said, “Don’t apologize, it’s okay.” He stepped back and straightened his shirt, which had come undone under San’s hands.

San was mentally kicking himself for ruining what promised to be a perfectly nice hook-up, while simultaneously feeling grateful to the guy for acting so decently. He decided he was going to need at least three more shots of vodka to entirely forget about this episode. As he was turning away to exit the bathroom, he heard the guy address him. “If you still feel like it after you’ve sobered up, we could arrange something. I’ll give you my number.” There was a gleam of mischief in his brown eyes. San stared at them for a bit longer than warranted.

“Yeah, okay,” he blurted when he realized the blond man was waiting for an answer. He took his phone out of the pocket of his slacks, unlocked it and handed it to him. 

The stranger tapped on the screen a few times and gave it back to San, saying, “Text me next Friday, yeah? And drink some water.” With those words, he walked out.

San stared at his phone for a few minutes, as if it held an answer to all of his problems. But all he found on it was a series of numbers under the letters _YS_.

⁂

Monday did not start well for San.

His weekend had been relatively nice, though. After nursing a mild hangover for most of Saturday morning, he had decided to momentarily switch off his “mature and responsible adult” mode and just do whatever he felt like. He ignored the dirty dishes in his sink, and, after making sure he had enough clean shirts for the upcoming week, he opted to forego laundry, too. He spent the rest of the weekend playing video games, eating takeout and sleeping. 

By Sunday night, he felt that he was relaxed enough to take on any challenge thrown his way. The thought of his early meeting with the auditing team the next morning did cause him some anxiety, but he managed to distract himself from it thanks to the prospect of his Friday plans with that handsome stranger from the bar. 

And then he overslept. He had not realized he'd pushed the snooze button twice before consciousness seized his brain. Trying to make up for that, he showered quickly and attempted to keep the momentum going as he shaved, only to cut himself in the process.

Ten minutes later, San stepped out of his apartment with a band-aid on his chin and an empty stomach. He all but ran to the subway station and got on the train just as its doors were closing. He was not terribly late, so he took advantage of the ride to slow his breathing down and fix his hair.

Just as he thought things might not turn out entirely disastrous, he stepped into a rain puddle as he exited the station, getting muddy stains on his pants. And to top it all off, the coffee he picked up on the short walk from the subway to the office building burned his tongue.

San was very close to just turning around and going back home when his phone vibrated in his pocket. It was a text from Minji, asking if everything was alright. The meeting had started fifteen minutes ago. With a deep sigh, San threw the coffee cup in the trashcan by the building’s entrance and went in.

He stopped by his desk to dump his things, then went to the big conference room two floors up, where all the relevant staff from the three departments being audited would have gathered along with the auditors for the opening meeting. 

He pushed the door open as quietly as possible, hoping not to draw attention on himself. Thankfully, everyone seemed engrossed in the speech being delivered by Mr. Kwon, the CFO, and San managed to find an empty seat and settle on it without any incident. 

His eyes searched around the table for Minji and he spotted her across the table, a few seats to his right. The smile she gave him when she caught his gaze was reassuring. She clearly was not upset with him for being late, and San could finally relax in his seat. Deep breaths. Everything was under control now. 

Mr. Kwon had finished his speech, and a woman was talking now. She was apparently the head of the auditing team, and she was introducing her colleagues. San looked over at the group of people on the other side of the room, all wearing dark suits and looking quite serious. 

He felt his stomach drop when he spotted a familiar figure. A man with platinum blond hair that was longer at the back than it was at the front. He was looking ahead, away from San, and had glasses on, but his side profile was unmistakable, with his sharp jawline and slightly pouty lips. 

San felt cold sweat break out all over his back. He was _fucked_. What were the odds that the stranger whose tongue had been exploring his tonsils in a bar’s bathroom just a couple of days ago was part of the team that was going to make his life significantly more difficult over the foreseeable future? When had his luck taken such a dire turn?

Just when he thought things couldn't get any worse, the speaker, who had been announcing team assignments while San was trying not to throw up all over the conference table, sealed his fate with a few words. “For the accounting division, Mr. Kang Yeosang will lead the auditing process, assisted by Mr. Choi Jongho.”

Kang Yeosang—San was going to assume he was the man in question, going by the initials he had saved his number under— stood up then, along with a dark-haired man, and they both nodded a greeting in the direction of San and his colleagues. It was too late for San to duck under the table, so he could only pray to any celestial entity that might take pity on his miserable soul that the guy hadn’t immediately identified him, for all the good that might do him. 

A few minutes later, the meeting was concluded. The audit would not be starting until Wednesday. Until then, each auditing team would conduct meetings with representatives from the divisions they were assigned to, to discuss procedure and schedules. 

After they were dismissed, Minji gathered her people, as she fondly called them, and let them know that their meetings would take place the following day. San breathed out a sigh of relief. That gave him enough time to quit his job, purchase a new identity and leave the country altogether. 

But first, he needed coffee. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Either Kang Yeosang did not recognize him at all, or his mastery of his own facial expressions rivaled that of professional actors.

Coffee helped San regain a clearer perspective on how much trouble he was actually in. 

Trying to tamp down his panic, he walked as fast as he could to his cubicle and fell limply on his chair. Mercifully, Yubin, the bookkeeper who occupied the nearest desk, was not there at the moment, so he picked up his phone and dialed Wooyoung’s extension.

After what felt like an eternity, Wooyoung answered. “What do you want? I’m busy” he said, sounding annoyed. 

“You do realize I could be calling you for an IT emergency, right? What’s with the attitude?” San did not have time for this. He needed to talk to someone and Yunho was at a seminar all day.

“Well, are you?”

“It’s not IT-related, but it’s still an emergency.” San lowered his voice. “The guy is here. The blonde guy from the bar!”

“Uh-huh. Okay. A stalker then?” Wooyoung’s voice sounded far away, and rather detached.

“I don’t think so, he’s part of the inspection team. And he’s going to specifically work with my division.” He tried his best not to wail that last part. He still couldn’t believe the tragic turn his life was taking.”

“I see.” There was silence at the other end of the line, only interrupted by the sound of fast typing.

“I don’t think you do,” San interjected, feeling like banging his head on his desk. “His hand was on my dick,” he hissed as he looked around him. “And now I have to act all professional in his presence and pretend like none of that happened.”

“Hmm yeah, I understand,” Wooyoung said, still rapidly typing. 

“And now, hooking up with him is out of the question.” Somehow that was the most tragic thing. San hadn’t grasped just how much he had been looking forward to seeing Yeosang again until realization hit him that he was now off-limits.

“ _Shit_ ,” Wooyoung muttered. “I got mauled!”

San was struck dumb for a few seconds, before calmly stating, “Do _not_ tell me you’ve been playing that game while I was pouring my heart out to you, and during working hours.”

“I’m on a break, okay? You’re not my supervisor,” Wooyoung replied, and San could hear the smirk in his voice.

“Wooyoung, it’s 10:30 AM, how can you already be on a break?” Why did San even bother? 

“I had a rough morning. The printer in the marketing department had a paper jam.”

San hung up. 

His phone started ringing almost immediately.

Wooyoung was laughing pretty obnoxiously when he picked up again. “Relax, Sannie! If it helps, I heard everything you said about blond guy. I don’t get why you can’t hook up with him though? You don’t work for the same company or anything.”

San was still miffed, but not enough to interrupt the conversation again. “It wouldn’t be ethical. We had a whole lecture about it last week.” Internal control had gathered everyone in the department to explain the nature of the inspection and put a clear emphasis on how a professional distance should be maintained with the auditing staff for the duration. They weren’t supposed to socialize outside of office hours, and they should generally avoid being too familiar with them. Whatever he and Yeosang had planned for the coming Friday was undoubtedly out of the question now.

“That sucks,” Wooyoung said, and he actually sounded somewhat distraught, which made San’s annoyance vanish. “You should tell yourself that he’s probably a lousy lay and just move on. Wanna get drinks later?”

“Nah, not on a Monday. Thanks for the offer, though. I’ll see you at lunch.” With that, he hung up the phone. 

All San wanted was to pack up and leave the office. But he couldn't afford to, with the monthly closing of accounts looming ahead. He had work to do. He turned on his computer and got started.

He had hoped that the tasks on his to-do list would be enough to occupy his mind, but his fingers kept periodically creeping towards his phone, with the half-baked idea of texting Yeosang. It took all of his will to leave the device face-down on his desk and his eyes on the spreadsheet displayed on his monitor. What would he even tell him? “Hello, I don’t know if you noticed me this morning, but I was wondering if we’re still on for this weekend”?

The rest of the day brought him little distraction. By the time Yunho stopped by his desk so they’d leave the office together as they often did, San had barely made a dent in his workload. 

“You look spooked out," his friend said. "What’s wrong?” 

So San told him what was wrong in detail, as they made their way to the subway station. San’s place was barely two stops away from the apartment he had shared with Yunho from their college graduation up to three months ago. It hadn’t felt right to move too far away from it. 

“Okay, I get why you would freak out a little, but I think you’re overreacting,” Yunho said. “Shit like this just happens. Neither of you had any idea who the other was, and I don’t see any reason why it should have any impact on your job.”

“Well obviously, when you say it like that, it doesn't sound so bad," San muttered.

As they stepped into the subway car, Yunho asked, "Do you wanna come over? We could order in and watch a movie or something."

"Didn't you say you had plans with Yoohyeon?" San said. He vaguely remembered reading something to that effect in their group chat.

"Yeah but I'm sure she won't mind if we reschedule," Yunho said with a sheepish grin.

Yunho had a way of making San's anxiety lessen just by being near him. It probably stemmed from their long years of friendship, and also from Yunho's easy nature and unwavering support. But San needed to learn not to depend on him so much. Moving out of their shared apartment was the first step. "It’s okay, I have to clean my place tonight. It's so messy I can't find anything."

It wasn't even an excuse. He spent most of his evening cleaning the kitchen and sorting out the clothes scattered all over his bedroom and living area. He managed to keep his apprehensions away, and by the time he slid under his bed covers, even the thought of the next day's meeting didn't disturb his peace. Right before putting his phone to charge for the night, he opened his contact list and tapped on the _YS_ entry. His finger hovered over the _delete_ button for several seconds. But then he turned the screen off instead and set the phone on his night stand, plunging the room in complete darkness.

⁂

Either Kang Yeosang did not recognize him at all, or his mastery of his own facial expressions rivaled that of professional actors.

When the auditors walked into the meeting room in which San and Minji were already settled, they both sported polite smiles. San kept his eyes on Yeosang's face, scrutinizing it for any hint of recognition, but there wasn't any. Even when they shook hands and performed formal introductions, the blond man looked him in the eyes and spoke to him as if it was the first time he'd ever laid eyes on San.

What San felt was mostly relief, but there also was a tinge of disappointment, deep down. Had he been that forgettable? Or perhaps Yeosang had been more intoxicated than San was, just better at hiding it.

"If you have no objection, I will go ahead and present our goals for this mission," Yeosang said after they had all sat down. His voice was deeper than San remembered. It sent a shiver down his spine and he pinched his own thigh to force himself to focus.

It wasn't easy. Mainly because San already knew the details of the audit process. Another reason was because the room they were in was located in a corner of the accounting work space, and was getting plenty of natural light from the floor to ceiling windows. San was noticing details about Kang Yeosang’s face that hadn’t been obvious under the bar’s dim artificial lights, or to his alcohol-addled brain.

The man truly was attractive. His features were sharp, and there was poise in the way he carried himself. He had a cute mole right on his right eyebrow. San saw a red spot in the corner of his right eye but he couldn’t quite make out what it was, as it disappeared under strands of his blond hair. His hands were veiny and his fingers were long and rather thick—

San startled when he heard Minji’s voice say his name, forcing him to pay attention. “His understanding of our accounting procedures is as good as mine, so for the first phase I think you could work directly with him. But don’t hesitate to come to me if you need anything.” She added the last part with a smile both to the auditors and San.

The dark haired auditor, Choi Jongho, said, “That’s perfect, we actually prefer having one main interlocutor for this phase. It will mostly be done through email, but we’ll ask for some of your time for in-person conversations, Mr. Choi.”

San nodded at that, and the meeting soon wrapped up. The two men took their leave, and Minji turned to him with raised eyebrows. “So, what did you think of them?”

San had many thoughts about the auditors, or at least one of them, but he didn’t think it would be wise to share them with his boss. “I couldn’t really figure them out. I mean, I guess communication is not going to be an issue because they’re quite straightforward, but other than that…”

“That’s definitely a plus. Let’s just hope that they’re smart enough to understand the info you give them, but not too smart that they’ll dig too deep into it,” she said with a grin. “I’m sure it’ll go well, so don’t worry too much, but if you have any issue or question, my door is always open.” With those words, she got up and left the meeting room.

San didn’t linger behind for too long. He had work to do. 

⁂

“You should ask them for a new desk chair, San,” Wooyoung said, squirming in an effort to get comfortable. “I’ve been sitting here for ten minutes and my back hurts already.”

“My chair is perfect for me. We’re just built differently,” San answered, feeling exasperation rise within him. “Why are you even here? I know for a fact that you can do that stuff remotely without bothering me and my work.”

"You're so mean. I just wanted to see you and this security patch update sounded like a good excuse. I miss you," Wooyoung said, eyes trained on the monitor.

San knew better than to believe him. "We had coffee together two hours ago." He affectionately tugged at a tuft of Wooyoung's hair, and got an elbow aimed at his stomach in return. "Are you done yet?"

"Yeah, just a sec." Wooyoung was no longer looking at the screen. His head was turned towards the meeting room, three rows of desks away from San's. "He's a lot cuter than I remember," he said, grinning.

Yeosang had been locked in there all morning, but the glass panes that served as walls for the room gave San a clear view of the man sitting at the table and typing away on his laptop. His jacket hung at the back of his chair and he had rolled his shirt's sleeves up to his elbows. Cute was not exactly the word San would have used to describe him. "He is," he sighed.

Wooyoung stood up and stretched his arms above his head, and asked, "How has it been, working with him?"

"It's been normal," San answered. Things were proceeding as he would have expected them to, two days into the inspection. A lot of document requests by email, a couple of meetings here and there when either Yeosang or Jongho required explanations. Nothing out of the ordinary about the situation, aside from his heavy petting session with the lead auditor the previous Friday, but San was starting to think that might have been a figment of his imagination, with how perfectly oblivious Yeosang seemed to the whole ordeal. "I guess I shouldn't have worried so much."

"But then you wouldn't be yourself," Wooyoung said, patting him on the cheek. “You sure I can’t change your mind about tonight?”

San gently pushed his friend away and reclaimed his seat. “I am. I’ve decided I’m not going to drink for a while, and I’d rather not see Song Mingi outside of work if I can help it, especially not sober.” He didn’t hate the man, not really, but he held a general grudge towards sales associates and Mingi was the perfect embodiment of everything wrong with that line of work. 

“Don’t let Yunho hear you. He’d be heartbroken. Sometimes I wonder if the whole _platonic soulmate_ thing he has going with Mingi ever bothers Yoohyeon,” Wooyoung said, grinning. He then added “Text me if you decide to join us, yeah?” and walked towards the elevators. 

San went back to reviewing ledgers, but not before sneaking a peek at the meeting room, and the man occupying it. 

⁂

The evening was not going as planned. San had hoped for the opportunity to relax and watch a movie before turning in early and getting a decent amount of sleep for a change, but he felt restless. He couldn’t focus on the plot, getting constantly distracted by his friends bombarding him with random pictures taken at whatever bar they were in, until he muted the group chat. 

Then he received a message from Siyeon, containing a photo of her latest ultrasound, followed by the text “ _She has your nose, I can tell_.” San had no idea how anyone could make out any features on the weird creature in the picture, but he refrained from commenting on that, sending a heart-eyes emoji instead and hoping his sister would leave him alone. 

She didn’t text him back, mercifully, but his mood had definitely taken a downturn. He admitted defeat and turned the TV off. It was barely nine, too early to sleep, but he brushed his teeth and got into bed anyway. There was a gaming blog he’d been reading lately, and he decided to kill time by checking the latest updates.

His restlessness only seemed to grow once he settled in bed, however. Maybe he should have gone out with his friends after all, because the niggling thought in the back of his mind would cause more damage than another bender. But in the darkness of his bedroom, it suddenly didn’t seem like such a big deal.

Silencing all reason, San scrolled through his contacts and opened the text option for _YS_. He typed “ _Hey_ ” and hit send before he could talk himself out of it, then he threw the phone on the bed and stared at the ceiling. This was definitely a mistake, but Future San would deal with it.

Barely three minutes later, his phone buzzed with a new text. “ _Hello. How’s your evening_?”

⁂

And that’s how Choi San found himself naked on Kang Yeosang’s bed the following afternoon, with his legs thrown over the man’s shoulders, trying desperately not to scream as Yeosang’s dick pushed into him again and again. 

Their text exchange had been rather brief. Yeosang hadn’t seemed surprised to have San reach out to him. After making sure that the auditor knew who he actually was, they simply agreed to meet up the following day, and Yeosang sent him his address. 

San had so many questions, but lust and anticipation gradually pushed them to the back of his mind. He got up late on Saturday, showered and cleaned himself up thoroughly. He had leftovers for lunch, spent thirty minutes contemplating various outfits before settling on jeans and a hoodie, then left his apartment, feeling quite adventurous. 

The area Yeosang lived in was a forty-minute bus ride away from his place, which was plenty of time to allow himself to think about all the ways this could potentially destroy his life. Try as he might to ignore those thoughts, his stomach was in knots by the time he rang Kang Yeosang’s doorbell. He was ready to just excuse himself and leave the second the door opened, but the sight of the man who had been occupying his thoughts for a week froze him in place.

Yeosang was dressed in jeans as well, and a black v-neck shirt that showed off his collarbones. By now San was quite accustomed to how handsome Yeosang was, having spent more time staring at him during work hours than he’d willingly admit, but the expression on his face, the small smile that tugged at the corner of his lips, that was something San hadn’t seen since that night at the bar. He was hypnotized, all thoughts of leaving disappeared from his mind.

“I’m glad you came,” Yeosang said. His voice sounded the same it had whenever he addressed San, and yet somehow different, devoid of professional formality. He moved aside to let San in, and closed the door. “Would you like anything to drink?”

“Thanks, I’m good,” San replied. The tension he felt was making his throat a bit dry, but this wasn’t a social call. He was here for a reason, and looking at Yeosang’s eyes made it clear that the other man understood that perfectly. 

They kissed in the hallway, and didn’t stop until they reached the bedroom. Things then moved very quickly. Clothes were discarded, hands and tongues glided over skin, and finally, San was right where he’d wanted to be for over a week, under this gorgeous man who seemed to glow in the afternoon light filtering through the curtains. Yeosang had stamina, a thick cock, and a precision to his thrusts that had San struggling to keep his moans at a reasonable volume. It had been a while since he’d been fucked so thoroughly and it was all he could do not to tear the bedsheets apart where his hands clenched on them on each side of his body. 

“I’m gonna—” he hissed between his teeth, feeling that delicious coil in his lower abdomen. Yeosang barely touched his cock before San came all over himself with a drawn out “Fuck!” 

Yeosang followed soon after with a groan, fucking him slower and prolonging both their orgasms until San could no longer take it and pushed at the other man’s shoulder, who gently pulled out. 

As the blond man got up to dispose of the condom, San closed his eyes and tried to slow down his breathing. He was spent and his limbs felt like jelly, but it was a lovely kind of exhaustion. Something cold came in contact with his skin, and he opened his eyes to see Yeosang cleaning him up with wet wipes. “You don’t need to do that,” he said, not moving to stop him.

“It’s alright,” Yeosang replied, continuing his ministration. “How are you feeling?”

“Great,” San said with a smile. “That was great.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself,” Yeosang said with a hint of a smirk. He threw the used wipes away and lay down next to San.

The silence that followed was comfortable. Perhaps too comfortable, as San was struggling to stay awake. He couldn’t sleep here, though. He had to go home. 

“Why did you pretend like you didn’t know me at the office?” he heard himself ask. He hadn’t meant to bring that up, but his mouth beat his brain to the punch.

Yeosang turned to stare at him for a moment, then answered, “I don’t think it would have been appropriate to bring that up while your boss and my coworker were sitting with us.”

San turned to lie on his side, facing Yeosang and using his arm as a pillow, then said, “You could have texted or called after.”

“I didn’t know if that was something you would have wanted,” Yeosang said quietly, mirroring San’s position. “It could have been a bit awkward.”

“Yeah, I mean it can still be, when we meet again at work,” San said with a chuckle. His eyes were suddenly drawn to a dark spot along Yeosang’s hip bone. He sort of remembered seeing it earlier, in his lustful haze, but now he could see it was a lavender sprig. It looked nice. He hadn’t expected Yeosang to have a tattoo, but it wasn’t like he knew much about him anyway. 

“It doesn’t have to be,” Yeosang answered. “I’m sure we can keep professional and personal aspects of our lives separate.” He fixed him with an inquisitive look as he said that. 

Something about his tone gave San hope that this would not be a one time thing. A simple rematch of their failed attempt a week prior. He suppressed a grin and said, “Oh yeah, don’t worry about that, I won’t ask you to be lenient with me.”

Yeosang did grin as he answered, “I won’t be.” Then he added, after a moment of silence, “Do you want to shower?”

Being in Yeosang’s space like that, using his body wash and towels, it all felt a bit too intimate for San. “No, I just need to use the bathroom real quick, and I’ll go home.” He was glad that he’d thought ahead and packed extra underwear and deodorant in his backpack. 

Once he was dressed, a robe-clad Yeosang walked him to the door, and he left after a quick “bye.”

The bus ride back home went by in a blur. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so relaxed and content. Even the thought of facing his colleagues on Monday didn’t stop him from whistling on his way from the bus stop to his building. What’s done is done, there was nothing San could do to change that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year everyone! Here's hoping we get an easier time of it in 2021 <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He checked his phone every now and again while sipping his coffee, but mostly kept his eyes on the door until the man he was waiting for walked in.

The café across the street from the office building wasn’t crowded, to San's relief, and he was able to get a seat at the small counter by the windowpane. It was surrounded by empty tables, which allowed him the relative privacy he needed for the conversation he was about to have.

He checked his phone every now and again while sipping his coffee, but mostly kept his eyes on the door until the man he was waiting for walked in.

Broad-shouldered and long-legged, with a face that belonged on a billboard ad, Park Seonghwa always turned heads wherever he went. KQ Industries’ head of human resources spotted him soon after making his entrance, and walked up to claim the seat next to San’s.

“I got you a vanilla latte, it’s still hot,” said the accountant, pushing the cup towards Seonghwa.

His friend picked it up and removed the lid, saying, “Thanks, my next meeting starts in thirty minutes, so that will buy us some time. What’s up?” 

San took a deep breath. “I need your input on a hypothetical situation.”

“I already hate the sound of that,” Seonghwa said with a tight smile. “What did you do this time?”

“I slept with the lead auditor assigned to my division.” San saw no reason to beat around the bush or play pretend.

“Please tell me you’re joking,” Seonghwa said. The look on his face was the perfect mix of a disappointed dad and a stricken puppy. 

“I didn’t know who he was when I met him,” San objected. “That counts for something, right?”

Seonghwa seemed to relax a bit at that. “Okay, yeah, if you slept with him before you found out about it then it’s not so bad, but still—”

“That’s not what I said. I did meet him before, but I slept with him after the mission’s kick-off.” San figured he should be as honest as possible at this point.

“ _San_!” Seonghwa hissed. His face was slightly paler than it was when he’d first walked in. He rubbed his fingers against his temples and asked, “Why are you even telling me this? You should not be talking about this to anyone from HR.”

“I know, this isn’t me confessing a crime to the prosecution. I need your advice as my friend and as someone who has been through something similar.” He offered Seonghwa his brightest smile as he said that.

“It wasn’t similar at all. Why are you dragging Hongjoong into this?” Seonghwa sputtered. 

“You basically hired your own husband, Seonghwa. I would say it’s a little bit similar,” San said, still grinning. It was unfair of him to oversimplify the situation, but he really needed a sympathetic ear, and he also needed Seonghwa to get off his moral high horse for a second. 

“ _I_ didn’t hire him, he was headhunted by top management because he’s the best in his field, and they made sure to make us sign a ton of paperwork and to keep us completely separated, professionally. I’m the head of HR and I don’t even have access to his file. That’s the only way for things to remain ethical. You can’t compare that to a one night stand with a member of an inspection team.” Seonghwa lowered his voice as he uttered the last sentence, looking around them.

San took a long drink from his coffee. It wasn’t a one night stand at that point. Over the last couple of weeks, he had slept with Yeosang half a dozen times, but he didn’t bother correcting Seonghwa. “Yeah, sorry for putting it like that. I’m seriously asking you, though. Would I get fired if word gets out?”

Seonghwa stared out the window in silence for a while. Back when they were in college, when Seonghwa was his mentor during San’s freshman year, the younger man had noticed his tendency not to answer difficult questions right away, and it had only gotten worse when he started his career in human resources. 

Finally, he turned to San and said, “No, you probably won’t get fired. Those types of guidelines aren’t exactly set in stone, and contravening them isn’t grounds for disciplinary action, as far as I can tell. But that doesn’t make it a good idea, San. The auditor could get into serious trouble over this, and you could too, even if you don’t lose your job over it.”

San had mentally prepared himself to be admonished by Seonghwa. Despite their friendship going back several years, the older man sometimes still saw him as the wide-eyed student who needed to be protected and guided. However, while he was relieved to hear his job might not be in jeopardy, it bothered him that there might be more severe repercussions for Yeosang. He hadn’t really stopped to fully consider that.

Something that San had found out over the last few days was just how much Yeosang had meant it when he’d talked about separating personal and professional aspects of their lives. He was extremely rigorous in his job, and his behavior at the office was beyond reproach. He never showed the slightest familiarity with San outside of their respective apartments, and treated him just like he did any other accountant at KQ. 

If things stayed the way they were, chances of them being found out were rather slim. 

“Did you hear what I said?” Seonghwa said with an exasperated frown. 

San hadn’t realized that he’d spaced out long enough for his friend to notice. “I did. I get it.”

“So will you stop seeing this guy?” Seonghwa asked.

“I’ll be careful,” he said. “You’re going to be late for your meeting,” he added when his friend was about to protest.

Seonghwa looked at his watch and cursed under his breath, standing up. “We need to talk about this again. Please don’t do anything stupid,” were the words he left San with. 

He knew Seonghwa meant well, so he tried not to let his words irk him. What San had with Yeosang was a mutually-satisfactory arrangement that was simply too good to give up. The stress relief alone was worth the risk, but it was also some of the best sex that he’d ever had. Yeosang had been quick at figuring out what San liked, and how he liked it, and was getting rather creative lately in finding ways to make him unravel. 

He stood up with a sigh and walked out of the café and towards the office building. Yeosang had emailed him a list of files that he wanted delivered before noon, so he needed to get to that. 

⁂

San almost dropped his mug when he felt a pinch at his side. With a curse, he set it down on the counter of the breakroom and turned around, facing Wooyoung’s smug smile. “Can you _not_ sneak up on me like this?” he hissed.

Wooyoung just shrugged and reached around San for the coffee, taking a long sip from it. “Of course I can, but where’s the fun in that?” He tried to hand the mug back to San, who shook his head in disgust and grabbed another mug from the rack to fill up from the coffeepot.

Yunho had already taken a seat at one of the small round tables scattered across the room, and the other two joined him there. “Do we have to track you around the office in order to spend any amount of time with you now?” he asked, taking a spoonful of his yogurt.

“Sorry, I’ve just been busy,” San replied. Work really had been tough to navigate, regardless of the inspection. It was only going to get worse as the end of the year slowly approached. 

Wooyoung scoffed and said, “There is that, but you’ve been skipping movie night for the last three weeks and I know for a fact that you haven’t worked overtime on those days.”

“Just because you can access the system log-in records doesn’t mean you can spy on me, Wooyoung. That’s harassment. I could blow the whistle on you,” San said, stretching his arms above his head. He heard his joints crack. He really needed to go to the gym more often, to make up for the hours he spent hunched in front of his computer. “I’ve been working at home a lot.”

“Would you destroy the career of someone as cute as me just for showing some genuine friendly concern?” Wooyoung said with a pout. “I’m serious, we really miss you. I feel like we haven’t talked in years.”

“We had lunch together yesterday,” San pointed out, knowing perfectly well what Wooyoung meant, but still trying to dodge the subject. It was true that he’d been a bad friend, because it felt like whenever he wasn’t working, he was with Yeosang. He sometimes wondered what the standard for friends with benefits was, because every other day felt like a lot at times. But some other times it didn’t feel like enough. "Fine, let's do drinks tomorrow night."

"I actually have a date tomorrow," Wooyoung replied, pursing his lips. "How about Saturday?"

"That—" San stopped himself before blurting that he had planned to go over to Yeosang’s that evening. He'd have to reschedule. “Sure, Saturday is fine. Wait, a date? With who?"

"That guy from Tinder, Changbin," Yunho piped in with a grin. "Apparently his magical dick was enough to convince Wooyoung to give dating a try, imagine that."

"His tongue is just as magical," Wooyoung said, taking a sip from his mug. "He's really fun to hang out with, even outside the bedroom. You'll see when you meet him."

"Guys, I'm pretty sure this kind of language should not be used in the workplace," San said, looking around the mercifully empty breakroom. "But good for you, Woo," he added, patting his friend on the shoulder. "Soon you'll do double dates with Yunho and Yoohyeon."

"Or triple dates, including you and whoever you've been hooking up with lately," Wooyoung said nonchalantly.

San almost choked on his coffee. When he could breathe again, he asked, "What are you talking about?" He hoped the flush he felt creeping up his neck would be attributed to his near brush with death.

Wooyoung cackled as Yunho tapped San on the back. Then he said, "I know your tells, babe. You've been too relaxed lately. If you weren't getting laid, you'd be up at two AM every night texting the group chat links of job openings that you'll never apply to."

"I don't do that," San protested. He willed his heart to slow down. His friends couldn't have found out about Yeosang and him. He was being careful.

"You do," Yunho said. "And it's fine if you don't want to talk about it. We're just happy you're seeing someone. Just don’t ignore us in the process, yeah?”

“I’ve gotta go back to work,” San said, standing up and taking his half-drained coffee mug with him. “I’ll see you Saturday.”

He heard Wooyoung snicker as he left the breakroom. San suspected that it wouldn’t be so easy to evade his friends’ curiosity the next time he saw them. 

He would have to figure out exactly how much he could share in order to get them off his case, without giving away the identity of his hook-up. San hoped he could stay sober enough for that. He didn’t think that his friends would rat him out or even badger him about the risk he was taking, but… He liked things with Yeosang the way they were. Discreet, light and uncomplicated. Inviting more people in on the secret would make things weird. It was weird enough that Seonghwa knew about it.

He found an email from Yeosang waiting in his inbox, with a couple of pointed questions about payroll accounting that made San suppress a groan. Yeosang seemed to have all the right instincts for the job. Nothing ever went past him, and he always zeroed in on the weaknesses San and his team tried to conceal. 

If he was being honest, it used to slightly confuse him at the beginning, dealing with two seemingly different sides of Yeosang in and out of work. At the office, Yeosang was demanding and rather cold. When he was alone with San, he wasn’t exactly warm and talkative, but something in his demeanor made San feel at ease. They didn’t do small talk often, but when they did it never felt forced. It wasn’t like San was actively trying to get to know Yeosang, at any rate. The kind of relationship they had didn’t require a deeper knowledge of each other than they already possessed. 

A quick look at his computer’s clock made him regret the coffee break he’d just enjoyed with his friends. He was going to have to work overtime in order to get on top of his to-do list.

Before diving back into his work, he shot Yeosang a message letting him know that he couldn’t make it on Saturday. He thought of asking if Sunday would work instead, but he decided to leave it at that. San could endure a few days without seeing Yeosang.

⁂

By the time San decided he’d done enough for the day, it was dark outside. He took his earbuds out and looked around the deserted workspace. The office’s cleaning crew had come and gone, judging by the empty trashcan by his desk. 

As he started packing up, his attention was caught by movement in the meeting room that the auditors had claimed as theirs. It was Yeosang, pacing along the length of the table, phone held to his ear. Whatever conversation he was having seemed animated, judging from his gestures and the occasional echo of his voice that reached San all the way to his cubicle. 

Yeosang had a tendency to work long hours. On days where they didn’t have plans to meet up, the auditor would almost always still be working by the time San left to go home, no matter how late it was. Jongho would be with him sometimes, but mostly he’d work on his own. 

The job was likely just as stressful for Yeosang as it was for him, and San felt some shame for not considering it before. Yeosang probably needed their stress-relief sessions as much as he did.

Having finished gathering his things and locking up important documents, San turned his attention back to the meeting room, where Yeosang was now seated with his head lowered, as he ran both his hands through his hair, pulling at it occasionally. He looked vulnerable, and San felt a pang of sympathy. And also felt a visceral need to make him feel better. 

He briefly considered asking Yeosang if he could come over that night, but it was nearly nine PM, and by the time they’d be done, it would be too late for San to get proper rest, what with the long bus ride. Instead, he decided to throw caution to the wind and walked towards the meeting room.

Yeosang looked up as San walked in. Professionalism radiated off his posture, but San recognized that hint of warmth in his eyes that only made an appearance when they were alone.

“If you’re done with last year’s expense reports, I’m going to need to put them away before I leave for the night,” San said. It was a lie, but Yeosang could not know that.

“Yeah, sure,” was all Yeosang said, pointing to the pile of binders on the other side of the table.

“Would you mind giving me a hand? The archive room is just at the end of the hallway, past the elevators,” San asked with a smile, as a tingle went up his spine. Yeosang could say no, but San hoped he wouldn’t.

Confusion briefly flashed across Yeosang’s features, but then he nodded and stood up, to San’s relief.

With loaded arms, they made their way together to the archive room. There was a slight commotion when San struggled to swipe his ID card over the reader to unlock the door, but he managed after Yeosang offered to take some binders off his hands, and then they were inside, the door silently falling shut behind them.

San gestured to a table in the corner of the room, and Yeosang followed him, setting the folders he was carrying on it. 

And then San was on him, pushing him against the table to stand between his slightly spread legs. He barely registered the man’s gasp as he hungrily claimed his lips. Yeosang kissed him back, for a while, sneaking his hands around San's waist. Yeosang's mouth tasted of coffee and the warmth of his palms seeped through San's shirt, and San wanted more.

Then Yeosang pulled back, murmuring, "Wait, San, I don't think we should." He sounded out of breath and San had to stop himself from whimpering.

"It's fine, no one's around," he whispered, moving to nuzzle along Yeosang's jawline, pressing kisses down the column of his throat. The familiar scent of his skin under the cologne was intoxicating to San.

He felt Yeosang’s hands grip the fabric of his shirt and his heart sank at the idea of being pushed away, but Yeosang pulled him closer after a moment, sighing. “There are cameras in the hallway,” he said, voice faltering. “Someone might have seen us go in together.”

"If anyone saw anything, it was us putting files back where they belong.” San pulled back far enough to look Yeosang in the eyes, then whispered, “I want you."

Yeosang’s pupils were blown and his breaths were coming out in harsh exhales. “Just—”

“I’ll be quick,” San interrupted him, and he dropped to his knees. 

He kept his eyes on Yeosang’s as he did quick work of undoing his belt and the zipper of his slacks. The blond man was staring at him wide-eyed. San palmed him through his underwear and felt how hard he was already. He felt powerful.

Yeosang let out a low moan when San pulled his cock out of his briefs and guided it past his lips, and the sound was like fire through San’s veins. Kang Yeosang was always so composed and self-contained. He was mostly quiet during sex, which had taken San some getting used to. He wanted to hear that sound again, so he focused on taking Yeosang’s cock as far into his mouth as he could, paying special attention to the spot right under the head, running his tongue on it every time he came up. His right hand was stroking the parts that his lips couldn’t get to, while the left one explored the sensitive skin on the inside of Yeosang’s thighs.

San felt a hand on the back of his head, but it didn’t pull him back nor push him forward. Yeosang seemed content with just rubbing his scalp with his fingers, and that spurred San on to bob his head faster on the man’s cock. He brought his hand to rub Yeosang’s balls, relishing the way he throbbed in his mouth. His own dick was hardening in the confines of his clothes. Giving head always turned San on. 

He knew Yeosang was close when he could hear the sounds he was trying to muffle by biting on his lower lip. The auditor tightened his hold on San's hair, probably to signal for him to pull back, but San had other plans. He took Yeosang deeper into his mouth as he kept eye contact, relishing the almost pained expression on Yeosang’s face as he realized what San was doing. 

Yeosang gasped loudly and he came in his mouth. San managed to swallow every drop as he kept working Yeosang with his lips and hand, until he felt a slight tug on his hair, and pulled off of him. 

Yeosang was staring down at him. His skin was flushed and he was still breathing hard, and San thought he looked so beautiful. He did his best to ignore the fondness that bloomed in his chest just then. 

He got up with a groan, his knees protesting from the strain, while Yeosang tucked himself back in and fixed his clothes. San figured he should probably start putting the files back in their rightful place, so he turned to the pile to do just that, expecting Yeosang to leave the room as soon as he looked decent enough, but he was suddenly turned around by strong hands and pushed towards the table. Yeosang was against him in a second, holding his face between his hands and kissing him frantically. San couldn’t help the moan that escaped his lips. 

He and Yeosang kissed plenty, but it was always leading up to sex. This was probably not where things were headed, and felt spontaneous in a way that Yeosang rarely was in San’s presence. San wasn’t about to complain, though. He put all thoughts aside and focused on the glide of their tongues together, and on the way Yeosang seemed to enjoy dragging his teeth against San’s lips from time to time. Then Yeosang slid a hand down San’s body and palmed his cock through his clothes and San keened, bucking his hips against the other man’s hand.

Then Yeosang’s phone rang in the silence of the archive room and he pulled away, but only far enough to let out a frustrated exhale and murmur “Sorry.” He kept his forehead on San’s as he reached into his pants’ pocket for the device.

“I have to take this,” Yeosang added after a glance at the screen. He looked so disappointed that San couldn’t help but smile at him.   
  
“It’s fine,” he said with a nod, and it really was. He wasn’t the type of person who expected reciprocity at every turn. 

Yeosang stepped away from him and made his way out. San heard the door lock behind him as he busied himself with filing, hoping the boring task would will away his erection. 

When he was finally done and back at his desk, he saw that the meeting room where Yeosang worked was empty and dark. His phone’s screen flashed with a text notification. “ _Sorry for leaving like that. Something came up. Are you free this Sunday_?”

The night didn’t feel quite as chilly as usual as San made his way home. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Everything’s fine, Yunho. You’re making it sound like something big is going on, but it’s really nothing.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: throwing up

Changbin was fun to hang out with.

San had been somewhat dreading the evening. He used to have a hard time opening up to new people when he was younger, and while he grew out of that phase, traces of anxiety stayed with him. When Wooyoung asked if he could bring his boyfriend to their outing, San's first instinct had been to cancel.

Now he was glad he hadn't. He'd barely felt the time pass as he sat with his friends in the small bar which had become their go-to place when they wanted decent craft beer and some quiet.

Changbin had a quirky sense of humor that soon had them all in stitches, and he was also very sweet to Wooyoung, which was endearing to San. Seeing the two of them barely able to keep their hands off each other made San feel all warm and tingly.

He also felt a twinge of envy, but he quickly pushed the feeling away. He could spend an evening with friends without letting his self-centeredness get the best of him, surely.

All in all, it was a lovely evening.

"I think I'm gonna have to call it a night, guys," Yunho announced to a chorus of protests. "I promised Yoohyeon we'd do brunch tomorrow morning and I want to be able to get up before noon," he said, dodging a balled-up napkin that Mingi had thrown at his face from across the table.

Someone muttered the word _whipped_ just as San stated that he, too, would take his leave.

"It's barely midnight," Wooyoung whined, leaning his head against Changbin’s shoulder and kissing his cheek.

“You’re free to pretend that you’re still twenty, I know my limits,” San quipped, getting up and pulling his beanie over his hair. 

San and Yunho bid the others goodnights and stepped out into the cold early winter night.

“Feels like it might snow,” Yunho said, fishing his gloves out of his jacket’s pocket.

“I wish it would,” said San. “It’s so cold and dark and miserable already, at least snow is pretty to look at.”

They walked in silence for some time, their footsteps echoing in the seemingly deserted streets. The cold had driven most people indoors. 

“San, are you okay?” Yunho blurted. The look that he gave San wasn’t exactly one of concern, but rather of determination.

“Sure,” San replied after a moment’s silence, confused. “Why do you ask, all of a sudden?”

“I don’t really know,” Yunho said, looking straight ahead. “Something feels off and I keep waiting for you to talk to me about it, but… yeah.” He huffed in frustration. 

.“I’m fine. Just work, you know.” San shrugged. The subway station came into view and he gestured to his friend to cross the street to get to it. 

“Yeah, I know it’s hard right now. I just feel like there’s something else. Not necessarily something bad, mind you. But I feel like it’s on your mind a lot, and you know you can talk to me about anything, anytime, right?” Yunho rambled.

San tried to remember how much his friend had had to drink over the course of the evening, but between getting to know Changbin and the texts he’d been exchanging with Yeosang, he hadn’t really been paying attention. “I know,” he said, coming to a halt and pulling on Yunho’s forearm to stop him. “Everything’s fine, Yunho. You’re making it sound like something big is going on, but it’s really nothing.” 

He did mean it, sort of. He’d been doing a whole lot of thinking about the situation with Yeosang, and the conclusion was always the same one: it wasn’t worth talking about to anyone because it would soon end. The audit was progressing well and it was only a matter of weeks before the report would be delivered. And then the auditors would move on to their new mission, away from KQ Industries, and San would never see Yeosang again. 

They had a convenient arrangement going on, and once that was done, San would have to find something else to occupy his free time with. Whatever his feelings were about it wouldn’t change anything. 

“Okay, I believe you,” Yunho said. He suddenly looked on the verge of tears. “I just… I feel like a shitty friend. We haven’t been talking as much as usual and I know it’s my fault. I don’t want you to pull away and I want you to know I’ll always have time for you.”

“Yunho.” It came out as a chuckle. San didn’t mean to make fun of his friend’s obvious distress, but it was so endearing. “I’m not pulling away and you’re not a shitty friend. We both have our lives to live and I understand that, and if anything serious was going on you would be the first to know, I promise.” 

Yunho nodded and sniffled. He pulled San into an awkward hug, and San didn’t resist, grinning and patting the taller man’s back.

"Come on," San said, stepping away, "the last train leaves in ten minutes."

They sat on opposite sides of the subway car, for lack of seats. The ride from the area the bar was in to where they lived was rather long, and San had barely drunk enough to feel a slight buzz, but he felt drowsy. He busied himself with his phone, as did Yunho.

Yeosang's last text was a picture. San hadn't opened it until then, knowing it probably wouldn't be safe with his friends around. He was glad he'd waited. The middle-aged man in the seat next to his was seemingly fast asleep, so he probably missed the shot of a man's hand cupping himself between the thighs, showing the outline of a hard dick under the gray fabric of his slacks. The lighting looked like the picture had been taken in a bathroom.

_‘I hadn't realized company dinners were such a turn-on for you,”_ He texted back.

" _They aren’t. Thinking about last night, though..._ "

Yeosang's response made San's face heat up in a way that the picture itself hadn't. Images of the previous night flooded his memory. The way Yeosang had held him down and rammed into him from behind was not something San should be thinking about in a public place, and yet… He rubbed the back of his shoulder. The skin was still tender from when Yeosang had bitten him as he came. 

Ever since their encounter in the archive's room, they had become even more careful with their interactions in the office, but there was definitely a shift in the way they communicated outside of working hours. 

On nights that their busy schedules didn't allow them to meet up, they'd started texting rather frequently. The texts were mainly sexual in nature, but sometimes other subjects were brought up. Once, they talked for a whole hour about their favorite cartoons as children.

Yunho stood and walked up to San, telling him he was getting off at the next stop. San locked his phone and slipped it in his pocket. He'd respond to Yeosang when he'd get home.

⁂

San startled when his extension line rang in the middle of the afternoon. He saved the report he'd been working on before answering.

It was Minji. "Do you have a moment? I want to talk to you."

Knowing his boss, that could either be good news or very, very bad news. Bracing himself, San made his way towards the head of accounting’s office.

Minji waved him in when he pushed the door ajar. She had her long dark hair up in a messy bun and was wearing her round frame glasses as she stared intently at her monitor, a crease formed between her eyebrows.

She looked up as he took the seat in front of her desk. "Hey you," she said with a smile. "Grab one of these, I'll be right with you." She gestured towards a plate of star-shaped cookies on her desk.

San helped himself to one, but kept it in his hand, wrapped in a napkin. "Thanks. Did you make those?"

"No, Bora did," Minji replied, typing rapidly on her keyboard. "She's practicing her gingerbread recipe for Christmas. We're hosting this year." San had met Minji's wife a few times, at company events where spouses were invited.

"Oh, good luck with that," San said. Christmas had become an additional source of stress for him. Siyeon had been trying to get him to commit to spending the holidays with the family, but San had successfully avoided it so far. He would have to find a way to gently explain to her that it wasn't going to happen. 

"Thanks, we'll need it," Minji said cheerfully, turning away from her laptop. "So, I called you here because I feel like we haven't touched base in a while. How have things been?"

"Good," San said almost automatically. "They've been good. Things are looking good for the end of year closing. Just one last push in December, but we're ready for that."

"That's good to hear," Minji said. “I take it things haven’t been too hectic with the auditors?”

“No, they've established a sort of routine after the first month so we know what to expect now. Actually there haven't been as many meeting requests over the last couple of weeks," San answered. Yeosang still showed up at the office most days, but there were times San barely caught a glimpse of him..

"That makes sense," Minji said, taking off her glasses and rubbing her eyes. "They're working on the audit report now, from what I've heard. There's probably just a few loose ends to tie up."

"Ah yeah," was all San could say. His stomach was suddenly in knots. He wasn't sure if the reason was his anxiety over the inspection's results, or the prospect of not seeing Yeosang anymore so soon.

"Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I'm really happy with how you've handled things, San. I know performance reviews are around the corner and I could've waited to tell you that then, but regardless of what the report says, you can expect a nice bonus come January." Her smile was so kind, and her words should have made him swell with pride, but San couldn't really let them sink in.

He just managed a weak "Thank you," and looked down at his hands. There were crumbs on his palm from where he'd crushed the edge of the cookie.

"Are you okay?" Minji asked, visibly concerned. "You look a bit pale."

"Yeah, just a bit tired." He did feel dizzy but didn't want to worry her.

"You can take the rest of the afternoon off," she said. "I'll cover for you if there are any emergencies."

San weighed his options. He was mostly done with the report he'd been working on, and it wasn't due until two days later, anyway. He was supposed to go to Yeosang's place after work, but he really wasn't feeling up to it, both physically and mentally.

"Yeah, I think I will. Thanks."

San texted Yeosang to let him know he wouldn't make it that evening, and got a simple " _okay_ " in return. He felt a bit foolish for expecting a follow-up question, and for the slight sting in his heart when it didn't come, he pushed those feelings down and stepped out into the cold late November sun. Maybe it was time for him to start distancing himself emotionally from Yeosang.

On his way home, he picked up takeout from the Nepalese place that had recently opened a couple of blocks away from his building. Once in the confines of his apartment, he showered, changed into comfortable clothes and settled on the couch, hoping that the legal drama he'd been watching lately would help take his mind off things.

A while later, after realizing he hadn’t been paying any attention to the plot in favor of checking his phone every five minutes, hoping for a text from Yeosang, he decided on an early dinner and went straight to bed.

Nausea woke him up a little past three AM. He barely had time to run to the bathroom before he was throwing his guts up in the toilet bowl, heaving until only bile came up. His head was pounding and his hands were shaking. It was with difficulty that he managed to stand up, wash his face and brush his teeth.

He groaned as he lay back down on his bed. He was hurting everywhere and chills were wracking his body. Falling back asleep seemed like a sweet fantasy, with how often he kept throwing away his blanket because he was too warm, then dragging it back on because he was freezing. His throat hurt and his nose was running. It was probably the flu and not, like he initially thought, food poisoning. 

At least he wouldn’t have to stop buying food from the Nepalese place. Small mercies. 

San couldn’t remember ever feeling so sick. Around eight AM, he managed to send a text to Minji, letting her know he wouldn’t make it to work, then he forced down some water and finally fell into a restless slumber.

It was dark outside when he fully regained consciousness. He sat up in bed with difficulty, still disoriented and weak. A quick look at his phone showed him that it was almost six PM, and that his battery was running quite low. As he tried to hook his phone to the charger with minimal movement, he heard the doorbell ring. That must have been what had woken him up in the first place. It was probably Yunho, coming to check up on him.

San all but dragged himself towards the front door, feeling like he might collapse any moment. It was not Yunho who greeted him when he opened the door, however.

Kang Yeosang was standing outside of San’s apartment, dressed in a long light brown coat over dark jeans and a black turtleneck. His hair was tied behind his neck in a short ponytail and he had a black mask covering the lower half of his face.

“Hi,” he said, lifting his arms and showing two plastic bags, as if those explained his presence at San’s doorstep. “Can I come in?”

San wordlessly stepped aside. He would have suspected it all to be a fever-induced hallucination, but he could actually smell Yeosang’s cologne as he walked inside and stood next to San to take his shoes and coat off. He had clearly gone home to change out of his office clothes before making the trip here, but he still looked fancy. San didn’t want to think about how he looked right then in comparison, unshaved, hair greasy and messy, face swollen. 

“Why are you here?” The words escaped his mouth before he could stop them. “I mean, did we make plans? I can’t really remember—”

“We didn’t,” Yeosang said, seemingly unbothered by San’s rudeness. “Kim Minji told me you were sick when I asked after you this morning, and you didn’t answer any of my texts, so I figured I’d check up on you.” He said it like it was something normal. Like that was the sort of relationship they had. San’s perplexity must have shown on his face, because Yeosang added, “I hope that’s okay?”

“Yeah, sure, that’s—”, a coughing fit interrupted his response, which he muffled into his elbow. 

Yeosang gently pushed him towards the living room, saying, “You shouldn’t be up.”

San didn’t resist. Once he was settled against the couch’s cushions, he said, “I’m probably contagious.”

“I got my flu shot already, don’t worry about me and get some rest,” Yeosang answered, covering him with a throw blanket. "Have you taken any medicine?"

"Just aspirin this morning," San groaned. He was supposed to text Yunho to bring him some after work, but he never did.

Yeosang walked out of the living room and came back with a glass of water and a small pill container. He helped San up and brought a couple of tablets to his lips, then the water, saying, "I picked up some tylenol on the way. There are also lozenges on the kitchen table, if you need them."

San leaned back on the couch. Yeosang sat on the coffee table opposite from him and raised a hand towards him. He brushed San’s hair back and felt his forehead. The feeling of Yeosang’s cool hand on his clammy skin was heavenly. San instinctively leaned into it, a small whine escaping his throat. Yeosang told him to get some rest and stood up.

San expected Yeosang to leave then, but the blond man simply walked back towards the kitchen. San listened to the noises he was making there. Water running in the sink, things being chopped and utensils clattering.

He must have dozed off. When he opened his eyes again, his body wasn't aching so much, and a spicy aroma filled his nostrils. 

He slowly got up and went to his bedroom to check his phone. He found a few texts from Yeosang, asking how he was and if he needed anything. There were also several missed calls from his friends, and concerned texts in the group chat. Wooyoung had announced that he’d stop by San’s place in the evening, since Yunho was out of town.

San quickly texted him not to bother, saying he was feeling much better. He didn’t want to have to explain to his friend why the lead auditor was in his kitchen. 

Yeosang was standing at the countertop when San joined him, chopping up what looked like parsley. Something was bubbling in a pot on the stove, and the kitchen looked cleaner than San ever remembered it being. Dishes had been washed and most surfaces had been cleared.

"What smells so good?" San asked with a hoarse voice. It hurt to swallow.

Yeosang slid the content of the chopping board into the pot and turned to him, saying, "Chicken soup. My mother's recipe." He had the sleeves of his sweater rolled up, and had fished out the striped colorful apron Siyeon had given San when he moved out of their parents' house, which he never really used. It looked good on Yeosang, though San couldn't really think of anything that wouldn't look good on him.

"It will be ready in five minutes," Yeosang continued, stirring the content of the pot.

San hummed and took a seat at the small kitchen table. "Did you buy all this?" he asked, pointing towards the vegetables and small jars adorning the countertop. San hadn't been grocery shopping in a while.

"Yeah," Yeosang said, turning to him. Even with his mask on, San could see that he was smiling, the way his eyes crinkled. "You mentioned once that you mostly eat takeout. I'm sorry for assuming you wouldn’t have all I need, but I was right anyway, so."

San didn’t remember mentioning that. "No hard feelings," he said with a chuckle that quickly turned into a cough.

Yeosang's eyebrows were drawn up in concern, but he said nothing. He turned towards the stove and turned the burner off, then pulled a bowl out of a cabinet. He seemed to instinctively find his way around San's kitchen. It made San's gut twist a little.

When the bowl was set before San, he inhaled the steam rising from the soup and felt his mouth water. "Is there rosemary in this?" he asked, surprised that he even remembered the word. He very rarely bothered with cooking.

"Yep," Yeosang answered, settling on the chair across from him. "My mother uses it in several dishes, and she taught me how to cook. I hope that's okay? You don't hate it, do you?"

"No, it's fine," San answered, trying to ignore the feeling of melancholy that rose within his chest. His mother often used rosemary in her cooking, too. Suddenly, the stupid thought that she should be here taking her of him threatened to close his throat up. He fought it off by shoving a spoonful of soup into his mouth.

It burned going down, which was exactly what he needed. "This is so good," he said.

"I'm glad you think so," Yeosang said, sounding pleased. "I've made enough for you to have tomorrow as well. Just don’t forget to put it in the fridge."

"Thanks. For this and for showing up," San said. "You didn't have to," he added, hoping the vulnerability he felt didn't seep through his words.

Yeosang stood up. “No need to thank me. Just get some rest and focus on getting better. I talked to your boss and we agreed that she and others on the team will take over for whatever needs to be done this week, as far as the inspection is concerned.”

“What happened to your promise not to be lenient with me?” San asked with a smile.

Yeosang looked him in the eyes and simply said, “Circumstances have changed.”

San wanted to ask what Yeosang meant exactly, but he refrained.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> San had learned over time that Yeosang liked the sounds that he made

San had learned over time that Yeosang liked the sounds that he made. His moans seemed to spur the other man on, as if it was a personal challenge to get San to be as loud as possible.

By then Yeosang knew all the tricks. He had figured out the exact way of moving his tongue over and into San's hole in order to make him writhe, and was doing just that, his fingers occasionally digging into the bruises he'd left earlier on the inside of San's thighs.

"Fuck!" San hissed, trying his hardest not to beg. Yeosang had been taking his time that day, and San wasn't exactly complaining, but he really wanted to be fucked into oblivion.

Yeosang lifted his head and moved up, mouthing over San's balls and licking his way up the length of his leaking cock, which was resting on his stomach. "Something wrong?" he asked, working the tip of his tongue over the underside of San's dick, one eyebrow raised derisively.

"Not exactly," San said in between gasps. Yeosang was running his thumb along his perineum as he suckled on the tip of his cock, and it was driving him crazy. "Just wondering why you're not inside me yet."

Yeosang pulled away with a grin and said, "If you ask nicely, maybe I'll consider it." He lowered his head again and took San in his mouth, slowly running his lips up and down the shaft. It felt amazing, but it wasn't enough.

"Please," San whimpered, defeated. His hand found its way to Yeosang's hair, tugging lightly. "I need you."

Whereas the look on Yeosang's eyes had been playful just seconds ago, it changed to an unreadable emotion after San said those words. 

San himself was startled by the admission. But he did need him, badly. This was their first time together since San had gotten ill ten days ago. San had recovered after three days of rest, but had been too busy to make time for Yeosang once he'd gone back to work, and the auditor had seemed okay with giving him space. He checked on San regularly by text, though.

Yeosang went to grab a condom from the bedside drawer and rolled it on, but when he moved back to the center of the bed, San got up and pushed him against the mattress, straddling his thighs and popping open the bottle of lube they'd used earlier. "Let me ride you," he said, drizzling some on Yeosang's dick, smiling at the way the other man gasped when he touched him.

San grabbed Yeosang's cock and positioned himself on top of it, then began to slowly sink on it, sighing at how it stretched him. He had definitely missed this, and so had Yeosang, judging by the expression on his face, eyebrows drawn together and lower lip trapped under his teeth. 

San placed his hands on Yeosang's chest and started slowly moving up and down his length, enjoying the feeling of fullness. Yeosang was running his palms on whatever parts of San he could reach, from his thighs to his hips to his arms, before settling on his waist and squeezing it sporadically. 

His eyes didn’t leave San’s face. There was a look in those eyes that San was tempted to describe as adoring, but the ugly voice at the back of his mind didn’t allow him to. _He likes fucking you, there’s no more to it than that._

Putting those thoughts aside, San leaned back and picked up speed. Yeosang was thrusting upwards now, meeting his movements, and his cock was dragging against all the right places inside San. He couldn't help the moans that escaped him.

Soon his thighs started cramping. He still kept going, but Yeosang must have noticed because he grabbed his hips to slow him down and rose into a sitting position, pushing San back onto the mattress, arranging his legs around Yeosang's back and taking the lead, vigorously fucking him. All San could do was hold on, hands scrambling for purchase on Yeosang’s shoulders. “Oh fuck, right there!” he exclaimed, when Yeosang hit a particularly sensitive spot. 

Yeosang leaned down and captured his lips in a messy kiss. “God, you feel so good,” he groaned, making San keen. Pleasure coursed through his veins like fire. He was getting close, and so was Yeosang, who wasn’t even trying to hold back his own noises. San moved his hand between them and started jerking himself off in time with Yeosang’s thrusts, until he was coming all over himself with a shout. Yeosang followed soon after, riding out both their orgasms before slowing to a halt and pulling out of San.

It took San a while to come down from his high. He lay where he was, panting and shivering, while Yeosang got up almost immediately, moving around the room and then to the bathroom, judging by the noises. San just kept his eyes closed. His ears were ringing and his legs were sore, but he felt great otherwise.

He opened his eyes when he felt the mattress dip next to him. Yeosang started cleaning up San's chest with a hand towel that he'd wet with warm water. San stretched and groaned, which made Yeosang chuckle. His host had put on underwear and tied his hair back in a messy little ponytail, and he looked stunning in the afternoon light filtering through the curtains, the exertion making his skin glow pink.

"You know, you don't have to do this right after we're done," San mumbled drowsily. "It wouldn't hurt if you just lie down for a couple of minutes."

"I know," Yeosang said, moving to clean between his legs. "But you don't want come to dry on your skin."

"That's auditor talk," San teased. "You guys always want things to be a certain way, right? Were you a very neat and organized child?"

"I was very messy," Yeosang said with a smile. He put the towel away and lay down next to San. "When I was younger I wanted to become a comic book illustrator. My room's floor was covered with comics and sketchbooks at any given time."

"That's so cute," San cooed. Lying together, side by side, staring at the ceiling and chatting felt intimate in a way that having sex didn't. It made warmth bloom in San’s chest. "Why did your career plans change?"

Yeosang hummed and answered, "I guess I grew out of that phase when I realized my skill level wasn't as good as what’s usually required for that line of work."

San hated the idea of Yeosang putting himself down. "I'm sure you're very good," he felt compelled to say.

"I'm alright. I still draw sometimes, when I have the time," Yeosang said. After a moment of silence, he asked, "What about you? Did you always dream of becoming an accountant?" San could hear the smile in his voice.

"I wanted to be a singer, actually. I won a few local competitions when I was in middle school. I was pretty serious about it." The memory still made his heart twist.

Yeosang turned to face him. "What happened, then?"

“When I started high school, my parents realized that it wasn't just a hobby, so they sat me down and explained to me that from then on, there would be no more vocal lessons, no more talent shows. My focus would only be on getting into a good university and studying something useful, nothing else. I had to comply." San had tried to reason with them, but they wouldn’t budge. After that, he stopped going to karaoke rooms and even quit church choir. Any kind of singing had become painful to him.

"I'm sorry," Yeosang said quietly.

"No need to be, I like what I'm doing now," he said, trying to smile. He was happy enough with his career. With hindsight, he didn’t believe he would have made it as a professional singer. But the memory of having to give up the thing he loved the most, with no other plausible explanation than ‘It’s not what we want for you,’ still hurt.

San decided to change the subject. He didn’t want to dwell on the past. "What's the story behind that?" he asked, pointing at the tattoo on Yeosang's abdomen, above his hip bone.

"Oh," Yeosang answered, looking down. "I had an appendectomy when I was a teenager and hated the way the scar looked, so I had it covered on my twentieth birthday."

San traced the tattooed scar with his index finger. "Is lavender your favorite flower?" He asked, unable to hold his curiosity back. He noticed goosebumps on the skin where his finger had been.

"Not really," Yeosang said. A fond expression appeared on his features. "It's the favorite flower of someone very close to me, though. And it fit the shape of the scar."

San wanted to know more. About the tattoo, and about Yeosang in general, but he figured he’d been nosy enough for the day. The clock on the bedside table indicated that it soon would be four PM. San had been there for a couple of hours already. He had promised Yunho and Yoohyeon he’d have dinner with them, and he had to do a load of laundry before then, as he was running out of clean clothes. He needed to go.

But he was reluctant to leave the warm, quiet bubble that seemed to surround them. Yeosang didn’t seem in any hurry to kick him out, either.

“I’ve never had surgery before,” San said. “What was the appendectomy like?”

Yeosang grinned and launched into a graphic description of the ordeal.

⁂

San regretted wearing a turtleneck. The weather had taken a proper wintry turn, and snow covered the ground, but the cocktail bar they had picked was crowded and stuffy. Sweat was gathering along his neck, making the skin itch. He was tempted to go to the bathroom and take off the sweater, as it was hot enough for just the t-shirt he was wearing underneath, but he remembered the hickey Yeosang had “accidentally” left on the side of his neck the day before.

"... So Changbin told her _no ma'am, we just got here_ ," Wooyoung said before erupting in a fit of laughter, slapping his open palm on his thigh. Yunho and San joined in the merriment, albeit not as enthusiastically. Wooyoung was in the phase in which anything his boyfriend did was either adorable or hilarious. It was pretty cute to witness.

"It sucks that he couldn't make it tonight," Yunho said, pushing the ice cubes around in his drink. His ears were bright red. Probably a combination of the heat and alcohol.

"Yeah, but he has to work tonight. Some charity event for which the photographer had pulled out at the last minute, so Changbin's filling in." Wooyoung drained his glass and sighed contentedly. "It's fine anyway, haven't had time alone with just the two of you in a while."

That was true. Their latest hangouts, as few as they were, always included Mingi and sometimes Yoohyeon, too. The three of them had been friends the longest, so it always felt special when it was just them.

"So when are you going home?" Yunho asked Wooyoung after they had gotten a new round of drinks. Wooyoung's family lived in his hometown, a couple of hours away from the city by train. He always spent the holidays with them.

"I got my ticket for the day after the office’s Christmas party, so in about two weeks. Speaking of which, it's not weird that I'm gonna bring Changbin to the party, right?" Wooyoung looked slightly uncertain as he asked. "I know it's only been a couple of months, but I really want to see him as much as I can before the holidays."

"I don't think it's weird," San said. "Don't overthink it, it's not like there's a rule that says only life partners are invited as plus ones." He had brought Saehyuk to the office's Christmas party the previous year. They had only been together for a few months by then. They'd had fun that night, but the memory left a bad taste in his mouth. San had been so sure that they'd last longer than they actually did.

"Everyone will be too drunk to remember anything anyway," Yunho chimed in. "By the way, you guys will have to help me keep an eye on Mingi that night. He's been talking about making a move on Yubin from accounting and that's just a bad idea. I know he actually likes her, and I told him to just ask her out like a normal person, but he seems to think that a party where everyone is more or less hammered is the perfect time for it. She might get the wrong idea."

"I volunteer. I wasn’t planning on drinking so much," San said. He could use the distraction. He wasn’t particularly excited about the prospect of being surrounded by so many couples all at once. He suddenly thought of Yeosang, and a kind of bitterness overtook him. Even without the complication of their work relationship, he would never dream of asking the man to accompany him to such a function. They didn’t have that kind of a relationship. Sometimes San wished they could define what they had. It didn’t feel like a purely physical thing anymore. Yeosang had proved that he cared about him in other ways than that. They had definitely grown closer lately, but not close enough for San to initiate a conversation about their status. It still felt to him that things were going to end at the same time as the inspection would.

He took a long pull from his Singapore sling and forced his thoughts back to present company. His friends were discussing holiday plans. Yunho was bringing Yoohyeon to spend Christmas with his family. “My mom keeps texting me all sorts of questions about what food Yoohyeon likes, ideas for family activities, pictures of decorations she wants to put up for the occasion. It’s like she’s worried she’s not going to pass some kind of test.” Yunho was grinning as he said that.

“There’s no way Yoohyeon and your mom won’t get along,” San said. He had never brought anyone home for the holidays. He wondered what it would feel like, mixing both aspects of his private life like that. He’d probably never know. 

“Where will you spend Christmas, Sannie?” Wooyoung asked.

“In my apartment,” San answered. He felt Yunho’s eyes on him but he avoided his gaze. His friend had been insisting that he join him and Yoohyeon and spend Christmas with them, but San had declined. “I got a tree and everything.” It was a twenty centimeter tall plastic tree, decorated with golden tinsel and tiny red baubles. He liked how it looked next to his TV stand.

“Facetime me if you get bored,” Wooyoung said with a grin. “It’s nice hanging out with my folks but it gets old real quick. I’ll have plenty of free time.”

“I might, if you can spare some time for me in between rounds of phone sex with Changbin,” San joked. He really appreciated Wooyoung’s offer. 

“I know you said I couldn’t change your mind,” Yunho said, “but you really are welcome to join us. I know you think you’d be intruding, but that’s not true. My parents love you and so does Yoohyeon. You’re family, San.”

It was probably the alcohol making him sappy. San felt a twinge of remorse for turning him down, yet again, but he just couldn’t change his mind.

He decided to be as honest as possible. “I know, Yunho. And I love you guys. But that’s the thing. You’re not _my_ family.” He felt awful for saying that, but he needed him to understand. “You guys are amazing, but to me Christmas is all about family, and mine has pretty much frozen me out. I can’t just replace them. It is what it is, and I have to learn to live with it.” His throat felt tight, but he tried his best to ignore it and smiled at both his friends. “You guys are more important to me than family.”

Wooyoung reached out to him and squeezed his hand in silence, while Yunho rubbed his shoulder. Such a display of affection wasn’t common among them, so San was grateful for it.

⁂

Siyeon wouldn’t stop calling him. His phone had been vibrating on his living room table for a long while. When San emerged from his bedroom after Yeosang had gone to the bathroom, he found thirteen missed calls and two voicemails. He knew exactly what they were about, so he didn’t feel overly worried. He had texted her earlier that day, telling her not to expect him for Christmas. San had anticipated a negative reaction, so he wasn’t surprised by her attempts to reach him. He had planned to call her after work, but Yeosang had texted him in the middle of the afternoon, suggesting they meet up at San’s apartment at seven.

It was a no-brainer to San, choosing between a difficult conversation with his sister and spending some quality time with a man who was great at both getting him off and getting his mind off unpleasant subjects.

His phone vibrated again in his hand.

“That sounds important,” Yeosang said, stepping into the living room, dressed in the clothes he’d shed on his way to San’s bedroom earlier. His shirt was all wrinkled, but San supposed it didn’t matter since he’d most likely just drive straight home from there.

San turned the phone off. “I guess it is, but it can wait,” he said. 

Something must have shown on his face, because Yeosang tilted his head to the side and said, “Are you sure? I can leave now, if you need to be alone.”

San didn’t want him to leave. He wouldn’t have minded if Yeosang stayed all night, in fact. But he couldn’t say that outright. “No, it’s just family stuff. My sister wants me to spend the holidays at my parents’ house, but I just told her that I won’t and I don’t think she accepts my decision. You know how it is with siblings, right?”

Yeosang strode to the sofa and sat next to San. “Sort of. My own sister lives abroad and we don’t talk often. I’m sorry things are difficult with yours.”

Difficult was a word for it. San hadn’t known until then that Yeosang had a sister. It warmed him up inside that they had that in common, which was silly because he had that in common with millions of people. “It’s not really her fault. She just can’t understand.” He stopped himself before unloading his whole life story on Yeosang. “What are your plans for the holidays?” he asked, partly to change the subject, and partly because he genuinely wanted to know. 

Yeosang hesitated for a beat before answering, “I’ll spend Christmas with my mother and other relatives.” 

San thought he saw a shadow of discomfort pass over the other man’s features, but he said nothing. 

After Yeosang left, San showered, had ramen for dinner and went to bed early. He decided to put off calling Siyeon for the next day. 

Those conversations that he had with Yeosang after sex were getting lengthier and more personal with time. San had quite gotten used to them, and his heart squeezed rather painfully when he realized he’d probably miss them more than their physical intimacy. 

This was supposed to be a casual, uncomplicated fling, but San really couldn’t do anything right. 

He closed his eyes and hoped sleep would come.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> San stood in the alleyway for a while, taking as deep breaths as he could. He wanted to throw his phone away, to kick something, to scream and tear his hair out, but he couldn’t let himself break down like that. He was technically at work. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: homophobia, implied/referenced adultery

His extension rang. San rubbed his eyes, which stung from the hour he'd just spent looking at various statements of accounts. He realized wistfully that the coffee he'd made earlier had gone cold, and he'd only taken a couple of sips from it.

"Yunho," he said after picking up the phone.

"Yes, that is my name," Yunho replied. "Busy? I know we just had lunch, but I'm really craving a donut right now."

"And you want me to talk you out of it?" San asked with a grin.

"Or come with me, the choice is yours," Yunho chuckled. "Come on, I really need a break. I've been reviewing material for the next round of seminars since this morning and it's so mind-numbing."

San could use a break, too. "I'll meet you in the lobby in ten," he said, and hung up.

The cold air was stinging when the two friends stepped out of the building and made their way to the coffee shop across the street. San tucked his gloved hands into his coat's pockets after pulling his scarf up to cover his nose. Dirty snow was piled on the edges of the sidewalk, and everything was wet.

"Didn't you have a deal with Yoohyeon to cut down on refined sugars?" San asked, leaning to bump into the taller man as they walked.

"We had ice cream together last night. I think the deal is off for both of us," Yunho said, pushing the shop's door open.

The queue was relatively short, and soon they had placed their order and were waiting for their drinks. San had decided on a hot chocolate for a change, and Yunho had picked a green tea for Wooyoung, along with the treats they’d come here for.

As their order was called, San felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. A quick look at the screen let him know that this would take a while. "Can you drop my drink at my desk?" he asked Yunho. "I need to make a call".

Yunho nodded, a knowing look in his eyes. They walked together back to the office then split up as Yunho went inside. San gripped his phone tight and made his way towards the alley next to the building, where workers sometimes went to smoke. It was mercifully empty. He took a deep breath and dialed his sister’s number.

"Hey Siyeon. How are you?" he asked when she picked up. 

"I'm just great," came his sister's voice. It wasn't exactly sarcasm. She sounded utterly dejected. "Sorry for calling now, I know you're at work, but I really need to talk to you and I'd rather not do that after Hyunwoo gets home."

"Okay, let me have it, then," San said, resigned. They'd talked briefly a few days before, but the conversation ended abruptly when Siyeon told him she was too disappointed to speak to him right then.

"Please don't make me out to be the bad guy here," she said with a huff. "I'm just trying really hard to understand and to make things right, but you just shut me out like you do everyone else."

That was probably true. It had never been San's forte to confront problems head on, especially those that cut as deep as this one. He was fully aware that he had been avoiding dealing with the issue. "I know that, and I'm really sorry, but I don't think you can actually understand, Siyeon."

"No, I won't if you don't help me understand, San. Yes, they said some hurtful things, but they're still your parents, no matter what happens. They love you."

"Do they, really? Is that how they show their love? They didn't just say hurtful things. You weren't there. They made it clear that my very nature is appalling to them. They gave me an ultimatum, either I change who I am, or I'm out of their lives."

"It was just emotions talking," she pleaded with him, "I'm sure they didn't mean that. You know that they are old-fashioned—"

"They're bigots, is what they are," he nearly shouted. He fingers clenched so tightly around his phone he felt it might break. 

"San!" Siyeong protested. "I know you're hurt, but think of the position I’m in. You’re all my family and it’s tearing me apart. Can’t you just come? I’m sure we can resolve everything if we just talk it out.”

San was trying to control his breathing but his chest felt too tight for his lungs. He hated himself for hurting her like that, and he also resented her for making him feel that way. “I’m sorry. I can’t.” His voice was so faint he barely heard himself.

“You are so selfish,” his sister said. There was no anger in his voice anymore, only hurt. She hung up. 

San stood in the alleyway for a while, taking as deep breaths as he could. He wanted to throw his phone away, to kick something, to scream and tear his hair out, but he couldn’t let himself break down like that. He was technically at work. 

When he felt composed enough, he made his way back inside, to his desk, and sat there clicking around the same folder until he could leave. It was earlier than usual, but not early enough to attract attention. He texted Yunho, telling him he wasn’t going to make it to their planned game night, and walked out. 

He paused when he found himself in front of the subway station’s entrance. Commuters were walking around him on their way in or out of the station, some throwing him pointed looks of annoyance, but he couldn’t bring himself to move. He didn’t want to spend the evening wallowing, beating himself over everything. He’s been doing enough of that for the day. 

He turned away and walked to the bus station two blocks away, where he boarded the bus headed to where Yeosang lived. The auditor hadn’t come to the office that day, and San didn’t know if he’d be home, but it was a gamble he was willing to take. The length of the drive alone would help clear his mind a bit. 

By the time he got off the bus, the sun was setting and the sky had turned a dark slate color. His teeth were chattering from the stinging cold as he entered Yeosang’s building and got into the elevator. 

His finger lingered on the doorbell for a few minutes. Maybe Yeosang wasn’t home. Maybe he was, and San would be interrupting something important, making a fool of himself. Maybe he should just go home and drink by himself until he passes out. He pressed on the button.

When Yeosang opened the door, he was quick at suppressing the look of surprise that flashed across his face, schooling his features into a welcoming smile instead, but San hadn’t missed it. 

“Sorry for barging in, you’re probably busy,” he mumbled, feeling heat creep up his neck. This was such a bad idea.

“No, I was just making dinner,” Yeosang said, stepping aside. “Come in, you must be freezing.”

After taking off his coat, scarf and shoes, San followed Yeosang into the kitchen, still shivering despite how warm the apartment was. He sat at the kitchen island after Yeosang gestured towards one of the chairs.

“Want some wine?” Yeosang asked. He had been drinking while preparing his meal, judging from the opened bottle and half-full glass sitting on the island.

San wasn’t a fan of white wine, but he didn’t want to be rude. “Sure, thanks,” he said. 

After retrieving a second glass and filling it for San, Yeosang returned to his cooking. “You’ll stay for dinner, right? I’m making enough for two. I hope you like shrimp.”

San loved shrimp. He wasn’t sure he could eat any, though. His stomach was in knots, and Yeosang’s casual acceptance of his presence didn’t really help. But he couldn’t fault him for being nice and hospitable. “Can I help you cook?” he offered.

Yeosang turned to him with a smile and a nod. “You can chop these carrots, if you want.” He was dressed in comfy-looking plaid pyjama pants and a t-shirt. He had his glasses on, and his hair was tied back. San wanted to embrace him, to inhale his comforting scent, but it didn’t feel right to get too close right then. Instead, he walked up to the worktop and grabbed the knife Yeosang pointed at.

They worked in silence for a while. San realized belatedly that music was playing in the background, something jazzy and smooth. So wine, cooking and music seemed to be Yeosang’s recipe for a relaxing evening. San should have felt worse than he did about interrupting it, but being there filled him with a peace he really craved after the conversation he’d had with his sister. 

“You said once that you don’t like eating vegetables,” Yeosang said, interrupting San’s train of thoughts. “I realize now that there’s a lot of them in this stir fry. I could make you something else, if you want.”

“It’s fine, I can eat them,” San said with a grin. “Probably not that, though.” He pointed at the green stems that Yeosang was rinsing under the faucet. “Is it spinach?”

“Watercress, and you’re missing out. It’s rich in fiber and iron,” Yeosang said with a smug smile.

San chuckled and said, “I’ll take my chances.” He took another sip of the wine and let it warm his insides. 

When the food was ready, Yeosang plated it, careful not to get any leafy greens in San’s dish, and they sat at the kitchen island to have their meal. 

“It’s delicious,” San said after the first mouthful. He really meant it, despite his usual distaste for vegetables. Yeosang clearly had a knack for seasoning things just right. 

“I’m glad you like it,” Yeosang with a smile. 

They ate in silence after that. When they were done, San was about to offer to do the dishes before leaving, but Yeosang surprised him by asking, “Will you tell me what’s bothering you?” The look of genuine concern on his face startled San. Had he been that easy to read? Yeosang had seemed to take things in stride since San had showed up unannounced, but it had obviously been gnawing at him.

“It’s just a family thing, I don’t want to bore you with that,” San said, looking down at his plate and pushing remnants of the stir fry around. 

“You wouldn’t bore me. You can talk to me about anything. You’re clearly having a hard time and it might help to unload a bit,” was Yeosang’s answer. 

San had a good support system. He had caring friends he could confide in whenever he needed to. But he wasn’t with them tonight. He had come to Yeosang. Even if unconsciously, his feet had brought him to his doorstep for a reason. He craved his comfort, no one else’s. 

“My parents disowned me after learning I was gay, basically,” he said, barely louder than a whisper. 

“I’m sorry,” Yeosang said. “Did you come out to them?”

“No, it was never my plan for them to find out. They aren’t the sort of people who would be okay with it, you know?” He took a deep breath to try and ease up the tightness in his throat, and continued, “Someone saw me with my boyfriend. Some acquaintance from their church just happened to spot me holding hands with another man in the street, and simply couldn’t wait to tell them. I wasn’t prepared to have that conversation with them. Well, it wasn’t much of a conversation, actually. More like an ultimatum. Either I _fix_ myself, or I’m dead to them. There wasn’t much I could say to that.”

Yeosang remained silent, but moved his hand to rest it on San’s. San turned his palm upwards and linked their fingers together, then went on. “I realized I was attracted to boys pretty early on, but I never felt like telling anyone in my family because I knew what my parents’ thoughts on the matter were. I didn’t internalize any of it, though. I’ve always known that it’s just who I am. When they made me quit music, it hurt but I got over it. Maybe it was because that part of myself was easier to give up. I promised myself I wouldn’t compromise on anything else.” He chuckled bitterly at that. 

“When I moved out of home and to the city for university and tasted that freedom of living my life on my own terms, I thought everything would be alright. I still visited my parents on holidays and on the odd weekend, I still talked to them regularly, but I kept things well separated." San paused to finish the last of his wine.

"And then they found out," Yeosang said, as if to encourage him to go on.

"And then they found out." It had probably been silly of San not to expect it to happen. People were nosy, and while his parents lived in a remote suburb, they weren't that far from where he was. "I don't think my father has said a single word to me since finding out. He was never very communicative in the best of days, but it seemed too easy for him to start pretending like I didn't even exist. My mother, though, just wouldn't drop it. She tried everything, threats, tears, she even tried to set me up with a girl from church, telling me that getting married would fix everything. That's when I cut contact with her. I said that if they couldn't accept it, then it's better if we weren’t in each other's lives anymore."

He had found out the hard way that there was a stark difference between knowing what his parents' reaction potentially would be, and actually experiencing it. It had nearly destroyed him.

His mother kept sending him emails containing material about how he could "cure" himself, or detailing divine punishments for his kind, until he marked her account as spam. San continued, "It was hard, and then it got harder when my then-boyfriend broke up with me because he couldn't handle the drama. He said he couldn't deal with me being so sad all the time. I guess our relationship wasn't as serious to him as it was to me." The memory still hurt. He had needed Saehyuk then, and Saehyuk threw him away, just like his parents had.

"My eldest sister was a lot more understanding. She stood by me as much as she could, but she's always been closer to my parents than I ever was, especially to my father. I don't resent her for that, not at all. But now she wants us to be one big family again. She's pregnant, so she probably wants a happy family life for her daughter. I just don't think it's realistic in the near future, and I explained that to her, but she took it personally and we had a fight today." He stopped, feeling the lump in his throat swelling. He couldn't stand the thought of losing Siyeon, but the thought of being in his parents' presence made his skin crawl. “I’m sure we’ll make up eventually. It's just tough, especially with the holidays coming up,” he concluded. 

"San, I'm really sorry to hear that," Yeosang said after a stretch of silence. "And thank you for trusting me with this. I know I can’t really help you feel better, but you can talk to me anytime you want to, about anything.”

Hearing those words made San’s heart bloom with warmth. Yeosang cared about him. He knew that for certain now. “You did help me feel better,” he said with a smile. “I’ll take you up on that offer again.”

With that, he stood up and checked his phone with the intention of ordering a car, as it was too cold and late to wait for a bus, but Yeosang put a hand on his arm and said, “You can stay over tonight if you want.”

San wanted to. It was Friday so he didn’t have to think about the logistics of getting to work the next morning, and more importantly, spending more time in Yeosang’s company definitely sounded more alluring than going back to his empty apartment, alone with his thoughts. But they’d never spent a night together before.

Yeosang probably mistook San’s hesitance for something else. “We don’t have to do anything,” he hurriedly said, suddenly blushing. “I just— It’s late and you live far away—”

“I know,” San interrupted him with a grin. “I just don’t want to invade your privacy anymore than I already have.” It sounded silly as he said it, but he was sure Yeosang would understand him anyway.

“You wouldn’t,” Yeosang said, before adding quietly, “you’ve probably noticed already, but I like spending time with you.”

And so San found himself wearing one of Yeosang’s sleep shirts, after having used Yeosang’s spare toothbrush, lying in Yeosang’s bed. It felt a bit surreal because usually, by the time they both found themselves in a horizontal position, they would be all over each other. But they were keeping a respectable distance, and if San was honest, it bothered him a bit. 

“It’s cold, come closer,” he said, the darkness was making him bold.

Yeosang moved soundlessly until his chest was pressed against San’s and their legs were entwined. “Better now?” he asked, throwing an arm around San’s waist.

“Much,” San whispered, letting the other man’s breathing lull him.

Just before his awareness slipped away, he thought he felt a hand on his cheek and lips brush his forehead. 

He woke up to the sound of his phone’s alarm, having forgotten to turn it off as he usually did on weekends. A quick look at the screen showed that it was way too early to be up, but as he slowly regained consciousness, memories of the previous night came flooding back in, and with them the realization that he was alone in Yeosang’s bed. The apartment was silent, so he must have stepped out. San debated going back to sleep when he noticed a notification flashing on his phone.

“ _Went out for a run. What do you usually have for breakfast?_ ”

San couldn’t help the giggle that escaped his lips. It was seven AM on a Saturday, and around freezing temperature, but going out for a run was such a Yeosang thing to do.

“ _Bacon and eggs sound fantastic right now,”_ he texted back, grinning. He was willing to bet that Yeosang’s breakfasts usually consisted of fresh fruit and muesli. 

He found a fresh pair of underwear that the auditor had left for him, and showered before getting the coffee maker going. As he was looking through what seemed to be Yeosang’s cookbook collection on a corner of the kitchen island, he heard the front door open.

Yeosang was dressed in shorts and a windbreaker over a t-shirt. A black headband held his hair away from his flushed face. He looked stunning. San was reminded of how much he loved Yeosang’s toned legs.

“Isn’t it a bit cold to go out dressed like that?” he asked to distract himself from his desire to kiss the other man.

“Running warms me up,” Yeosang answered. He was still panting, probably from having run up the stairs. “I got turkey bacon, I hope that’s okay with you?” he added, setting a shopping bag on the counter.

San laughed at that. Of course Yeosang would pick the healthiest option possible. He walked up to him, snaked his arms around the blond man’s waist and kissed him long and deep.

Yeosang pulled back to protest weakly that he was all sweaty, but San’s whispered “ _I don’t care_ ” put an end to his reluctance.

They had to make a fresh pot of coffee by the time they settled for breakfast.

⁂

" _You look good today_."

He grinned when he read the text he'd just received from Yeosang. He kept his eyes down, resisting the urge to look up towards the meeting room where the auditor was, along with his coworker Jongho. He typed a quick answer, " _I look just like I do every day._ "

" _You're wearing a black tie over a black shirt. That's sexy_ ," came Yeosang's answer, followed swiftly by " _And your hair is styled back. Also sexy."_

San hoped the flush he felt creeping up his neck wasn't visible from where the auditor sat. He was about to text him back something equally flirty when a voice calling his name made him flinch and slap his phone face down on his desk.

"It's just me, no need to be so jumpy," Mingi said, slapping him on the back.

"I'm not jumpy, you're just abnormally loud," San said with an eye roll. "What do you want?"

"To see your pretty face," the sales associate said with a wink, "and also for you to approve these." He dropped a pile of what seemed to be expense reports on San's desk.

"That's not the procedure, you have to go through Yubin first, and you know that," San said, struggling to keep his voice down. "I thought you wouldn't pass up on an opportunity to chat her up, so why are you bothering me?"

"Because she might not view people who add to her workload positively, and I already know you love me," Mingi said with a grin and shrug.

San hated salespeople.

"Well, they'll have to wait, I'm about to meet with the auditors," he said, standing and picking up documents he'd just printed. It was his foolproof technique to get rid of annoying people. Once you stood up from your desk and picked something up from it, people tended to leave you alone.

But Song Mingi wasn't just people.

"Yunho is right, you really are a cruel, unhelpful, selfish—"

"Don't put that on Yunho," San interrupted him, chuckling as he walked towards the meeting room, Mingi in tow. "You've already said that to my face, and worse."

Instead of a whiny denial, he heard Mingi say, "Hey, is that Choi Jongho?"

Before San could react, Mingi had bolted toward the room. By the time San walked in, both men were locked in a hug while Yeosang looked on, visibly amused.

"San, why didn't you tell me Jongho had been coming here for weeks?" Mingi demanded when he noticed the accountant taking a seat at the table.

"I take it you two know each other," San deadpanned.

"We went to the same college," Jongho answered with a gummy smile. "Man, I haven't seen you in what? A year?" he asked, turning to Mingi.

"Yeah, since the last reunion," Mingi answered. "We really need to catch up. Drinks tonight?"

“Absolutely,” Jongho answered, turning towards Yeosang. “Right? We should be able to wrap up early today.”

Yeosang nodded, and Mingi, ever the social creature, exclaimed, “You could join us too, you know?”

Before Yeosang could answer, Jongho said, “I don’t think so, Yeosang is picking his wife up from the airport tonight.” He chuckled and added to Yeosang’s benefit, “You probably have a lot of catching up to do, right?”

If Yeosang answered, San didn’t hear any of it. His brain was unable to move past that bit of information that it had just absorbed. He felt cold. He felt like he was stuck underwater, the rumbling of waves filling his ears and cutting him off from anything happening above the surface. 

“...San?” It was Jongho’s voice, shaking him out of his stupor. Mingi was gone, and the attention was on him. “I asked if those were the account mapping documents,” the younger auditor said, pointing at the papers San had brought in.

He turned to Yeosang, and immediately wished he hadn’t. The look in the blond man’s eyes was pleading. His face was pale and the knuckles on his right hand were white where his fingers held the edge of the table.

San stood up. “No, sorry, I’ll go get them.” It was a lie, but San needed to buy some time. He needed to get away. He stumbled out of the room, past his desk, and kept walking.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> San wordlessly stepped aside, letting the man in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter elicited all sorts of reactions and I'm very grateful to everyone who took the time to write a comment ♡
> 
> I'm sorry for keeping you all waiting as this chapter took longer than expected. I hope you'll enjoy it!

The party was past the phase of awkward guests standing around, and well into the “everyone is drunk enough to loosen up and actually have fun” stage. The band that was hired for the evening had switched from soft background music to uptempo songs and a few people had already occupied the dancefloor of the hotel ballroom the company had rented for the evening. Yunho and Yoohyeon were among them, wrapped up in their own bubble, looking more drunk on love than on alcohol. 

San stared at them with a mix of fondness and wistfulness. He was standing with Minji, her wife Bora and a few people from the engineering department, and was sipping on a concoction that Wooyoung had gotten for him, which smelled strongly of gin. San briefly wondered where he and Changbin had disappeared to, before deciding he would rather not know.

“So, are you doing anything special on your break?” Bora asked him, probably bored from the business conversation going on in their group.

“I’m just going to relax and get some rest,” San said with a smile. His heart squeezed painfully at the thought of facing his solitude, with all his friends being away or busy, and Yeosang… “Minji said you’re going to have a big family Christmas?” he said in an attempt to get his mind off of that subject.

“Yeah, both sets of parents, siblings and a couple of nephews,” she said with a grin. “I’m excited, but also looking forward to when it’s all over.”

“I can imagine,” San said, unable to avoid the nostalgia that hit him just then. He took a long swig from this drink. 

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, and hated how his heart lurched at the hope that it might be Yeosang, but he knew it was Siyeon. He and his sister had resumed a normal texting pattern after she had called him three days ago to sincerely apologize for their last conversation, saying she had been way out of line, and that he would always be her baby brother no matter what. San hadn’t realized how badly he’d needed to hear those words before he found himself choking on his own tears, trying to find words of gratitude. She promised him that she and her husband would visit him the day after Christmas, and that was one thing to look forward to.

He hadn’t heard from Yeosang for a week, since that day in the meeting room. The auditor had texted him soon after San’s dramatic exit, offering to explain, but San told him he did not want to hear it, and not to text him. Unsurprisingly, Yeosang had complied. He hadn’t showed up at KQ since then, probably having delegated the remaining tasks to Jongho, whom San ran into a couple of times. 

He was pulled out of those thoughts by the sight of Seonghwa and Hongjoong waving him over. He excused himself to Bora and the others, and made his way towards the couple on the other end of the ballroom. 

Seonghwa kept his arm around his husband’s waist, like he was afraid of letting go. It was one of those rare occasions where they allowed themselves to be openly affectionate towards one another among colleagues, and they were both glowing and grinning. 

They both hugged San when he reached them, and the conversation flowed nice and easy as they caught up.

And then Seonghwa turned to Hongjoong and said, “Baby, can you get me a martini, please?” even though his glass was still half full. His husband didn’t question him, though, and moved towards the bar.

San knew what was coming when Seonghwa turned to him. “We haven’t talked in a while, but I haven’t received any complaint regarding the audit mission so I’m guessing everything’s good?” he asked with a raised eyebrow. 

San opened his mouth to answer then closed it. What could he possibly answer to that? In a sense yes, everything _was_ good. There would be no repercussions to his workplace tryst. Not on his career anyway. That didn’t help the fact that his heart was in tatters, though. He hadn’t had a full night’s sleep since that day. “I’ve taken care of it,” he said, barely raising his voice above the music. 

“Are you okay?” Seonghwa asked, looking worried. “Did something happen?”

San shrugged and tried to smile. “Nothing happened, don’t worry about me,” he said.

Seonghwa looked like he might insist, but Hongjoong came back then with his drink, and San seized the opportunity to get away. “I have to go look for Wooyoung,” he said.

He tried to inconspicuously reach the men's room so he could be alone long enough to compose himself, but Wooyoung appeared, as if summoned by San’s white lie. He was smiling as he exclaimed, "Here you are! Dance with me?" and then his face fell when he took in San's expression.

Without a word, he grabbed him by the arm and guided him towards the covered terrace adjoined to the ballroom. The night was very cold, so it was mercifully empty of guests, although San's blazer was a bit too thin and soon he was shivering.

"What's wrong, babe?" Wooyoung asked when they were out of earshot. It always amused San how his friend would address him in the same way he did his boyfriend, but it was always obvious from his tone who he was addressing. "I know things have been tough with the holidays coming up, but I'm really worried about you right now."

Instead of answering, San broke down. Ugly, hiccuping sobs that he muffled into Wooyoung's shirt as his friend rubbed his back, murmuring words San couldn't quite make out. He cried until he felt his chest would cave in. He had been holding back for days, and now that the dam had broken, it didn't bring him any relief.

He felt something drape over his back and turned to see it was Yunho lending him his jacket. Wooyoung must have texted him. It only made him cry even harder.

His friends patiently stood close to him until his sobs subsided. When he could finally talk, he told them everything.

"Damn," was the first thing Yunho said. He squeezed San's shoulder with his hand, then added, "Have you talked to him since you found out?"

"No," San sniffled, until Wooyoung handed him a tissue. "He texted me saying he wanted to explain everything but I told him not to bother. I mean, what could he explain? He didn't deny he was married, so there's nothing more to be said." Thinking about it still made him feel nauseated. He abhorred infidelity, and just thinking that he had been instrumental in Yeosang cheating on his spouse made his skin crawl.

"Sannie," came Wooyoung's voice, uncharacteristically quiet. "People's circumstances aren't always black and white.” San was about to protest, but Wooyoung raised a hand and went on. “Listen. You clearly cared about this guy a lot, or you wouldn't feel so down about it. I think you owe to yourself, not to him, to find out if you’ve been completely wrong about him.”

A part of San still refused to believe that Yeosang had played him like that. He'd been so good to San, so earnest in trying to make him feel good and special. He'd truly believed the man had been sincere with him, up until that second when it turned out he hadn't been.

"I'm a fucking idiot," he said, feeling his heart break all over again. "It was the perfect setup for him. We couldn't go public, we only met when it was convenient and planned ahead, he kept me at an arm's length, probably laughing at me for opening up the way I did. I fell for him because I'm fucking stupid and I never learn." He buried his face into his hand, hoping to keep tears at bay.

"No you're not." It was Yunho's voice. "You couldn't have seen it coming, San." He sighed, then added, "I'm really sorry, man."

"Why are _you_ even apologizing?" San interjected. "I've hidden all this from you two. _You_ should be mad at me."

Wooyoung rolled his eyes. "Stop being needlessly dramatic, this isn't about Yunho and me." He checked his phone and said, "Changbin is asking where we are. Are you okay to go back inside? We can talk later."

San nodded. The pain in his chest hadn't diminished, but now that he'd talked about it with his friends, he felt less prone to breaking down. "Yeah, let's go, I need more alcohol in me."

⁂

Christmas break wasn't as big an ordeal as San thought it would be. He had loaded up on frozen food, snacks and games, and kept himself well fed and entertained. He almost managed to block out all thoughts of Yeosang. Almost.

Night was the hardest time. Once, he almost convinced himself that it had all been a big misunderstanding, and actually grabbed his phone in order to call Yeosang. But then the thought hit him that he could be interrupting the auditor’s quality time with his wife.

He video-called Yunho and Wooyoung that night, and they talked until San fell asleep.

Siyeon and Hyunwoo visited him as planned, and seeing his sister for the first time in months made him realize the toll it had taken on him, forcing himself to emotionally distance himself from her. He tried his best not to choke up when she hugged him just as she used to when he was a child, all soft and warm.

“You look thinner than when I last saw you. Are you eating enough?” she chided. She was glowing, her rounded belly clearly showing under the large fluffy sweater she was wearing. 

“More than enough,” he answered. “How have you been?”

“Good, but I can’t wait for the next eight weeks to be over. My feet are swollen all the time, and it’s getting really hard to find the right position to sleep in. Also her kicking wakes me up sometimes, and I’d do anything for a beer.” She said those words with a huge grin and no trace of resentment in her voice. 

They had a late lunch together, then Hyunwoo excused himself, saying he had to pick up some dry-cleaning, and left them alone.

“He wants to give us some space, he says,” Siyeon explained with a fond smile. She settled on San’s sofa and he joined her there. 

“I don’t mind having him around,” San mumbled. “He’s family too.”

“That’s sweet of you to say,” she said. “Look, I know the point is not to bring up unpleasant things, but I still want to make sure you know that I’m really sorry for what happened.” She raised a hand as he tried to protest, and added, “I know you don’t resent me for it, you’ve said as much. But I still want you to know that I’m on your side, no matter what happens, and I’ve told them that over Christmas. I made my opinion on the matter very clear to them.”

San didn’t need to ask who she meant by _them_. “I don’t want you to ruin your relationship with them because of me.” 

“I’m sure they’ll get over it. They don’t want to admit it, but they feel your loss, and I’m sure they don’t want to risk losing me or their granddaughter, as well.”

San had spent months trying to convince himself that he could live just fine without any of his family in his life, and perhaps that was still true, but it really felt good knowing he wouldn’t have to. “Thank you,” he said.

Siyeon just waved her hand, dismissing his gratitude as unnecessary. “Enough about that. Do you want to see the latest ultrasound?”

This time San managed to spot some of the fetus’s features. “I can’t believe this is living and growing inside of you,” he whispered. 

“I can”, Siyeon said with a laugh. “Here, give me your hand.” She grabbed it and set her palm on the side of her belly.

San startled as he distinctly felt the shape pressing on his sister’s skin. The sensation disappeared and he let go, looking up at his sister in disbelief. “Was that her _foot?_ It felt like a foot!”

“It probably was. She loves stomping around,” Siyeon said, rubbing her belly with a fond look on her face. 

They talked some more about her pregnancy and plans for the birth, and then Siyeon shifted the conversation towards him. “What have you been up to, beside work? Have you been seeing anyone lately?” Her eyes had a mischievous twinkle as she asked that.

San felt a painful twitch in his chest. “Not really,” he answered. His first instinct had been to brush the subject off, but then he added, “I mean, I have, but I’m pretty sure it’s over now.”

“What happened?” she asked, her eyebrows pulled up in concern.

San didn’t want to admit to her that he’d been sleeping with a married man. “I guess we just didn’t have the same expectations from the relationship, he said.” That was putting it mildly. San rubbed his eyes, wiping away the tears that had gathered there.

“Oh baby, come here,” Siyeon exclaimed, pulling him to her side. He let himself be embraced by his sister, reveling in her warmth. “I’m sorry you’re hurting,” she said, running her fingers through his hair. “Anyone would be lucky to have you in their life, San. Things might not have worked out with this guy, but they will with someone else, I’m certain of it.”

San let himself be comforted. Siyeon was probably right. 

He would have loved for things to work with Yeosang, though.

⁂

The day before new year’s eve, San decided that some deep cleaning was in order. His apartment was in no way filthy, but polishing every surface felt like a spiritual need for him. 

All of his friends were back in the city, and they had plans to celebrate the new year together at the apartment San used to share with Yunho, which had become his friend’s love nest with Yoohyeon. 

San felt antsy, like he needed to exhaust himself, pass out, and maybe then he'll feel like socializing again.

He was scrubbing the grout between the tiles in the shower when his phone started ringing. San removed one of his plastic gloves, moving to the shelf where he'd set the device. He intended on turning off the call and returning it later, assuming it was one of his friends. His assumption was proven wrong when he saw the initials _YS_ flashing across the screen.

San froze in place, a heaviness weighing down his limbs. Why was Yeosang calling him? Part of him wanted to block the number, while another part was all too willing to admit that he craved hearing the other man's voice.

While he stood there, agonizing over what to do, his phone went silent. He breathed a sigh of relief and started moving back to the task at hand, when it started ringing again.

Resigned, San picked up the call.

Kang Yeosang's deep voice resonated across the bathroom walls. "Hello," he said, not giving San time to react. "I know you said not to contact you, and I'm really sorry for calling, but I'm downstairs and I'd like to talk to you. If you want me to leave, that's completely fine."

San took a few seconds to process those words. He didn't feel ready to face Yeosang, but the thought of turning him away didn’t feel right either.

After a stretch of silence, Yeosang spoke again. "San, please say something." His voice broke on the last word. It tugged at San's heart. His heart never learned its lessons.

"You can come up," he answered before hanging up.

He quickly checked himself in the mirror. He clearly needed a shave, and the t-shirt he was wearing had a hole near the collar, but he wasn't going to do anything about that.

The doorbell rang just as he was throwing away takeout cartons he'd picked up form the coffee table. His heart was hammering against his ribcage as he went to the front door.

When he opened it, he had to do a double take. Yeosang had cut his hair and dyed it black. He looked just as handsome as before, except for the wide dark circles under his eyes which were stark against his pale skin. His face looked somewhat thinner, too.

San wordlessly stepped aside, letting the man in.

Then they found themselves standing awkwardly in San’s living room, looking anywhere but at each other.

Eventually, San’s good manners kicked in. “Please sit,” he said, gesturing towards the sofa. “Do you want something to drink? I have beer.” He knew Yeosang wasn’t fond of beer, but he still offered.

“Thanks, but I drove here,” the auditor answered as he sat down. “Water would be great.” 

San brought him a glass from the kitchen, and noticed how Yeosang’s hands trembled slightly as he took it, murmuring his thanks. 

San sat on the other end of the sofa and waited. It was painfully obvious that Yeosang was struggling to get words out, so the awkward silence stretched on and on. Silences between them had alway been comfortable for San. He hated how much he missed those moments. 

Eventually, Yeosang seemed to have gathered enough courage to speak. “Thank you for agreeing to see me. I know that I’ve kind of forced your hand, and I’m sorry for that. And for many other things. I just—” He paused and took a sip of water, then went on, “I just didn’t know how else to do this. I typed up a long message but it didn’t feel right to send it.”

San only nodded at that, not even sure whether Yeosang noticed the gesture or not. He didn’t trust himself to speak. 

“Obviously, I owe you more than just an apology. I want to tell you everything, but I’m worried it’ll just sound like a bunch of excuses. I never meant to hurt you, San. I shouldn’t have kept things hidden from you.”

San’s hands tightened into fists on his knees. He tried to keep the simmering anger coursing through him under control, and to keep his voice even. “Those _things_ that you kept hidden from me, what are they exactly? I mean, beside the fact that you’ve made me an active party in adultery?”

Yeosang looked stricken. He set the now empty glass on the coffee table, and turned to face San. “You aren’t,” he said. “You never were. I know you have no reason to believe me, but it’s the truth.”

San repressed a scoff. There was nothing to be gained from being cruel to the other man at this point. He just wanted everything to be over. He was tired. “Okay, then explain it to me.”

Yeosang took a visibly deep breath, and said, “Technically, I have been married to a woman named Lee Gahyeon for over seven years, but our relationship has been over for two years now. Our romantic relationship, at least. We never finalized our divorce because there was never any urgency to go it, but we’re separated. She lives abroad, and we only see each other when she comes back for holidays.” He fell silent, probably to give time to San, to process those words.

It sounded simple enough. San would have believed it all if Yeosang had told him earlier. Or so he thought now. “People around you don’t seem to know that,” he quietly said, swallowing down the bitterness that rose like bile when he remembered how he found out what Yeosang had been hiding from him.

Yeosang caught on to that. “Jongho is my coworker. I like him a lot, and we’re close enough as colleagues, but he’s not my friend. I keep my personal life private. I know it sounds very convenient. You have no reason to believe me, but it’s the truth.”

“You’re right, it is hard to believe,” was all San could say, tamping down on the part of himself that desperately wanted to trust the other man.

Yeosang continued, "When we started seeing each other, I didn't think you would have wanted to know all that much about me, and vice-versa. We weren't in this for our life stories, right? I thought that as long as I knew I wasn't doing anything wrong, things would be fine. And then—" He paused and rubbed his face with his hands. "And then things changed, and suddenly nothing was so simple anymore. I realized that my feelings for you were beyond what a casual fling would involve, and that I owed it to you to be more open and honest, but I was scared of losing you by doing that."

He looked so earnest saying those words, but that wasn’t enough for San. He let silence hang over them for a while, then he asked, “Why did you separate?" It wasn’t really relevant to the issue, but he was curious.

Yeosang seemed surprised by his question, but he answered, "I guess we fell out of love, as cliché as it sounds. Gahyeon was my best friend for years before she became more than that, and now she's my best friend again. She had the opportunity to move to another country for work and we realized that it was for the best. It allowed us both to move on with our lives. I guess the main reason we didn't make things official is that we both own the apartment I live in, and other assets, and we've been too busy to deal with dividing all that. Maybe a bit complacent, too." He lowered his head, looking down at his own hands.

San didn't know what to say to that, so he just stared at Yeosang's side profile. His birthmark was a lot more noticeable with the new hair. 

"Gahyeon thinks I should have told you at the beginning. She says she told her current girlfriend pretty much on their first date, but she's always been smarter than me," Yeosang said, a sad smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"You told her about me?" Something tightened in San’s chest. He wasn’t sure why it mattered at all, or how he felt about it.

Yeosang nodded, looking down at his own hands. “I told you, she’s my closest friend. I had to talk to someone about it. She kept pestering me to come clean and I kept waiting for the right moment, and... here we are.” He raised his head and looked at San. His eyes were red, and sadness was painted all over his features. “I’ve ruined everything. I hope you can forgive me at some point.”

San wished he could reassure him. He wished he could embrace him and kiss those unshed tears away. 

But he had to learn to protect himself better, to prioritize his own well-being and to stay away from anything that could potentially hurt him. He had realized that his feelings for Yeosang were deeper than he anticipated when faced with the intensity of the pain he felt when he found out he had been lied to, albeit by omission. 

San couldn’t get over that pain. He didn’t need that in his life. Even assuming that what Yeosang said was true, he wasn’t ready to trust him again. 

“I don’t know if I can,” he eventually said. “And I think it’s better if we don’t see each other, at least for a while.” It hurt saying those words, but it was a kind of pain he could handle.

He didn’t miss the way Yeosang flinched at his words, however briefly. The other man stayed silent for a few moments, then nodded, as if to himself. “Okay,” he all but whispered. Then stood up and added, “I’ll go.”

They didn’t exchange another word as San walked him to the front door and closed it behind him.

He returned to the bathroom, put the gloves back on and resumed cleaning the tiles. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It bothered him that it was taking him this long to move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I was writing this chapter I realized there was still a little bit of story left to tell, so I'm extending it by one chapter. 
> 
> Again, than you all so much for your lovely comments and for leaving kudos <3

Hayeon was breathtakingly beautiful. He hadn’t really thought so when he saw the first pictures that Hyunwoo had sent him, a few hours after she was born. She had been all red and wrinkly, and her features had been contorted in what was most likely a crying fit. 

But now San couldn’t take his eyes off of her as she lay in his lap, her head supported by the crook of his arm. She too was looking up at him with big, curious dark eyes. She held his thumb in one of her tiny hands and she made the cutest gurgling sounds from time to time. San replied with the most embarrassing cooing in return. He had never been one to fawn over babies in general, but he was completely smitten with his niece.

“She’s pretty, isn’t she?” came Siyeon’s voice as she returned to the living room. She had insisted on making San tea, even though he had protested. “I want to feel useful again,” she’d said. “Hyunwoo and mom won’t let me do anything except feeding this greedy little monster.” 

“She is the most gorgeous girl in the world,” San murmured. “An angel.”

Siyeon laughed and sat down next to him, having set the tea mug on the table before them. “There are times when I agree with you, but not when she’s screaming at three in the morning. I had no idea her tiny lungs could be so powerful.”

“She takes after her mom,” San said. Music and singing had been a shared passion between his sister and himself. “How are you feeling?” he asked, turning his attention to Siyeon. She looked tired, but happy.

“Aside from lack of sleep at night, I can’t really complain. Hayeon sleeps a lot during the day, so I manage to get some me-time then. I just wish mom wasn’t here so often. Hyunwoo is perfectly capable of handling things I can’t do yet.” Siyeon had insisted their parents don’t show up that day so San wouldn’t risk running into them. He was grateful for that. “What about you? How are things?” she asked.

“Okay, I guess,” he answered, running the tip of a finger along the baby’s chubby cheeks. “Just work, you know?” It was true. Not much had been happening beside work. 

The audit mission had wrapped up a few weeks earlier. The report hadn’t been too damning, at least not for San’s division. The recommendations on the report had led to an action plan that was going to give him a year-long headache, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle. 

Yeosang had been there during the closing meeting, sitting at the far end of the long table. He hadn’t looked in San’s direction at all (San had checked, several times) and when the meeting was over and the auditors walked past San and his colleagues, Yeosang greeted the whole group cordially but quickly, his eyes barely lingering on the accountant. It stung a bit, but San knew he was being unreasonable. He had asked Yeosang to stay away. The auditor was merely respecting his wishes. 

He added, “I’ve been thinking about taking some time off, going somewhere to recharge.” 

“That sounds lovely. I can’t remember the last time you went on any kind of vacation,” his sister chided. “Are you thinking of going with friends, or would this be a solo trip?”

“Haven’t decided yet,” he said, looking down at Hayeon who was tugging on his thumb. She clearly wanted attention. He realized then that he hadn’t stopped smiling since he’d sat down with her. The warmth in his chest was a nice contrast to the gloom that had made its home there lately. “The boys talked about snowboarding but I’m not sure I’m up for that. A cabin with a fireplace somewhere quiet sounds more appealing. I haven’t been hiking in so long.” He had gotten a sizable bonus the previous month as Minji, true to her word, had given him a stellar performance review, and for once, he felt like properly rewarding himself. 

“Send me lots of pictures, wherever you go,” Siyeon said with a sigh. “I’ll be stuck here for the foreseeable future.” 

“I’m sure it’s worth it though, right?” he said with a grin, carefully setting Hayeon in her mother’s arms, as she was starting to get fussy. 

“I wouldn’t change it for the world,” she said, and the adoration that San could see in his sister’s eyes made it easy for him to believe her words. 

He stayed until Siyeon had changed her daughter and put her down for a nap, then he left to allow his sister some time to rest, but not before promising her to come back before the end of the week. 

He knew that was a promise he would easily keep.

⁂

He heard Wooyoung before he felt the man's weight drape itself over his shoulders.

"You started eating without me!" was the screech that pieced San's ears.

"We have literally just sat down," San answered, trying to push Wooyoung away as Yunho laughed at the pair.

Finally, after digging his chin into San's shoulder hard enough to make him yelp, Wooyoung lifted himself off and sat down on the empty chair they'd reserved for him at their table in the cafeteria.

"Sorry I'm late," he said as he unpacked his lunchbox. "Kim Hongjoong lectured me for ten minutes in the hallway about messing up his desktop when I took his computer in for maintenance.”

“I bet you liked that,” Yunho quipped, digging into his fried rice.

“Not this time,” Wooyoung said with a pout. “His files are all over the place, I really was helping, but apparently he has a _system._ ” He airquoted that last word and rolled his eyes. “He’s so small but so scary.”

“Reminds me of someone I know,” San said, pushing pieces of his grilled chicken around. He wasn’t particularly hungry, but he’d promised Siyeon he’d stop skipping meals. 

They ate in silence for a few minutes, until Yunho spoke up.

“I know we said we’d do the pub quiz on Friday, but Yoohyeon’s friend’s band is performing at Prism that night and I thought maybe we could change plans and go there instead? What do you guys think?”

San had been meaning to bring up their plans at some point. “Actually I can’t make it Friday. Sorry.”

His friends turned to him in unison, but it was Wooyoung who spoke first. “Did something come up, or…?” He let the question hang.

San took a deep breath, trying to ease the tightness in his chest. “I just can’t. Some days are easier than others, and I can already tell the rest of this week isn’t going to be easy. I’ll be fine, though, don’t worry. I just need to stay home for a bit and just… be.” It bothered him that it was taking him this long to move on.

“It’s okay, San, we understand,” said Yunho with a small smile.

“Yeah, it just sucks because I was going to get Bin to bring Youngtaek along, but I guess it can wait for some other time,” Wooyoung added with a cheeky smile. He’d been gently nudging San into accepting to be set up with one of Changbin’s friends, but the accountant hadn’t really been amenable. 

“Thanks for understanding, guys,” San quietly said.

He was about to change the subject to something more cheerful when Yunho asked, “Have you thought about calling him?”

San didn’t need to ask who he was referring to. “No. I mean yeah, I have, but I don’t think it’s a good idea.” 

“It’s not necessarily a bad one either,” Yunho carefully said.

They had been over this. His friends had helped him talk things out. Yunho was of the opinion that Yeosang had handled things poorly, but that it wasn’t an unforgivable offense. Wooyoung just said that life was too short to dwell on sad stuff, but that was his philosophy when it came to virtually anything. 

The more time passed, the harder it was for him to hold on to his outrage. Yeosang’s explanation had been simple and convenient, but San had no evidence that any of it was untrue. And it was probably not that hard to verify, if San wanted to. 

But part of him kept reasoning that things were better this way, that if he just soldiered on, the longing he felt for that man, and the pain resulting from being away from him would fade away. Yeosang had probably moved on anyway.

“It doesn’t matter, Yunho. I’ll get over it soon, I’m sure of it.” He turned to Wooyoung with a forced smile and added, “You can bring this Youngtaek to our next night out, yeah?”

Wooyoung beamed at him, and Yunho looked like he had something more to say, but he just nodded, and the conversation moved on to office gossip. 

Later that day, as San was putting together data that Minji requested from him for the monthly business review, he stopped briefly, grabbed his phone and deleted Yeosang’s number from his contact list.

⁂

Youngtaek was as handsome as Wooyoung had claimed. He had large, piercing eyes and everything about him was charming. 

San wasn’t really feeling the connection, though. He’d figured that out pretty early on in the evening, and it seemed like the feeling was mutual, because Youngtaek didn’t make any attempt at catching San’s attention beyond friendly group chatter. It was all good. San could definitely become friends with him, if nothing more. 

They had just settled in one of the larger booths at their third bar of the night. He’d found himself sitting between the wall and Mingi, who was barely paying him any mind, engrossed as he was with Yubin, who was sitting on the other side of his tall friend. This was the first time that the sales associate had brought his new girlfriend to a group hangout, and San was happy to see that things were progressing nicely for them. 

San had decided to pace himself and to stop drinking before midnight. He had a date in the park with Siyeon and Hayeon the following afternoon, and he didn't want to risk a hangover. He nursed his beer, feeling pleasantly buzzed, as he listened to Yoohyeon recount an incident at the lab she worked at for her research, in which some equipment had caught fire and almost burned the whole building down. 

Suddenly he wasn't listening anymore. A group of people had settled at a table, a few rows away from where San was sitting with his friends.Two women sat next to each other, facing a man whose side profile San would recognize anywhere. 

Yeosang's dark hair had grown slightly longer since the last time San had seen him. He had taken off the black leather jacket he'd had on, revealing a white long-sleeved shirt underneath. It was the simplest of outfits, but Yeosang had always managed to look incredibly elegant in whatever he wore. San struggled to look away.

He couldn't believe his luck. Obviously running into acquaintances on a night out in the city wasn't exactly a miracle, but San had convinced himself that, now that their professional paths had parted, he would not see him again, at least not by chance.

He should have learned by now.

He felt a foot lightly nudge at his shin, and turned his face towards Yunho, who stared at him with a concerned expression. He had seen him too. _Are you okay?_ He seemed to be asking. San nodded with a smile. His heart was threatening to beat out of his chest and his palms were sweaty, but that was nothing he couldn't handle. Yeosang hadn't seen him, he was sure. There was no reason to panic. He took a long draught from his pale ale and tried to focus on the conversation around the table.

His eyes kept going back to the auditor, though. Yeosang was laughing, his small pearly teeth on full display. He spoke rather animatedly, visibly at ease. San wondered at the identity of the two women that accompanied him. He only saw their backs from where he was, and their unusually colored hair. The one with long lilac locks was learning into the side of the woman with shorter ash blue hair.

It was none of San's business, as he kept repeating to himself. His need to know about it, and about anything related to Yeosang, was unhealthy. He needed another drink. His beer glass lay empty in front of him. He considered ordering something stronger, but then remembered his plans for tomorrow. 

San’s skin suddenly felt too tight and tingly. He needed to move. He tapped Mingi on the shoulder, gesturing that he wanted to get up. "I'm going to the bathroom," he said. He felt Yunho's eyes on him as he stood.

The bathroom was opposite from the side where Yeosang was sitting, so San had no trouble reaching it as discreetly as possible. It was surprisingly empty at that moment. He relieved himself at one of the urinals, then went to wash his hands at the sink. His reflection in the mirror caught his attention.

He had styled his hair back and put on makeup, heavily lining his eyes with black. The thin black sweater he was wearing was tight across his shoulders and had a plunging neckline that showed off his collarbone. San had dressed to impress, thinking that he had moved on enough to consider getting to know someone else.

He realized now that he hadn't. Maybe the reason he hadn't felt any spark with Youngtaek was due to his own unwillingness to open up to someone else.

He turned the faucet back on and splashed some cold water over his cheeks and down his neck.

"Hey San," came a familiar deep voice from behind him. San was surprised at his own calmness, as if he'd expected this.

"Hey," he answered, turning around to face the man.

Kang Yeosang was standing near the door, eyes trained on San’s face. His cheeks were flushed. San didn’t know if it was due to alcohol, heat or something else.

“I didn’t think you’d seen me,” San said after a few moments of silence. 

Yeosang looked abashed at that. “Sorry for following you here, I didn’t—” He stopped to take a deep breath, then continued. “I just wanted to know how you’ve been. It’s been a while, and I didn’t dare to call you, so…”

“I’m fine,” San answered, almost automatically. Then he decided to elaborate a bit, so as not to sound dismissive. “Work is good. My niece was born a month ago and she’s just perfect, so. I’m fine, as I said.”

“Congratulations,” Yeosang said. “I’m happy to hear you made up with your sister.”

“Yeah, I did,” San said, feeling a bit flustered that Yeosang remembered after all that time. “How have _you_ been?”

Yeosang hesitated a moment before answering, “I’ve been okay. Been assigned a new mission and it’s going as well as it can be.” He looked like he was about to add something, but the door opened and someone walked in. 

San figured it was as good a time as any to end the conversation, so he nodded at Yeosang and made his way towards the exit. He stopped when he heard his name being called as he stepped into the small hallway outside the bathrooms. Yeosang had followed him there and was staring at him, looking torn. 

“Please wait, I need to talk to you about something,” he said. San simply nodded. 

Yeosang continued, “I’m here with Gahyeon and her girlfriend. We’re kind of… celebrating.”

San wasn’t sure what he was supposed to infer from that. “Okay?”

“We’ve just finalized our divorce. We started proceedings at the beginning of the year, right before Gahyeon left. She came back this week and the divorce was officially pronounced yesterday. I know it doesn’t change anything, but I wanted you to know that.” His voice slightly shook on the last sentence.

San wasn’t drunk by any means, but he also wasn’t quite sober enough to process the emotions waging a war inside him right then. _It doesn’t change anything. Doesn’t it?_

He forced a smile and said, “I don’t know whether to say I’m sorry or to congratulate you, to be honest.”

“You don’t have to say anything, San,” Yeosang said, shaking his head slightly. “I’m not sorry, in any case. It was about time.”

San nodded, unsure of what to say. The longer he stood there, the more confused he felt. “I should go back to my friends.”

If Yeosang was disappointed, he hid it well. “Of course,” he said with a smile. “It was nice seeing you.”

“You too,” San said, and he left. 

His friends had gotten a new round of drinks while he was gone. San sat down next to Wooyoung this time, facing away from Yeosang’s table. He felt his friend latch on to him as soon as he was settled. “Yunho told me,” he whispered in San’s ear, his hand rubbing his back. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I talked to him just now. It’s all good.” It didn’t feel that way, but it was neither the time nor place to unpack everything. 

San still felt resentful towards Yeosang, any thought of him was laced with hurt. But he also missed him so much, at times he could barely breathe. He craved his company, his conversation and his touch. Learning what he did today didn’t change how he felt about him, and he felt so much.

He forced himself to stop thinking about the man sitting a few tables away, and joined the conversation at his own. 

It was close to one AM when Mingi and Yubin called it a night, prompting others to follow until San was left alone with Yunho and Yoohyeon.

“Are you taking the train or do you want to share a cab with us?” Yoohyeon asked San as she was putting on her jacket.

“You can go ahead,” San said. “I have something to take care of.”

Yunho smiled at him, but San looked down, feeling heat creep up his neck. 

The couple said their goodbyes and left the bar, holding hands. San watched them step out the door, then took a deep breath and walked towards the same direction, but stopped when he reached the table Yeosang was still sitting at.

The auditor looked up at him with a mix of surprise and expectation on his face. He didn’t say anything, though, so it fell to San to speak up before the situation got too awkward.

“Hello,” he said, turning to the two women sitting opposite Yeosang and flashing them a grin. “I’m San, a friend of Yeosang’s.”

The lilac-haired woman perked up at that, a bright smile illuminating her striking features. “Hi,” she exclaimed. “I’m Gahyeon. It’s lovely to finally meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.” Her eyes had on a knowing glint as she said that. 

“Oh.” San felt a little flustered at that. “I’ve heard a lot about you too.”

“This is my girlfriend, Handong,” Gahyeon said, gesturing towards the other woman, who waved at San with a small smile. San noticed the glint of the ring she was wearing, which matched the one on Gahyeon’s hand. 

Yeosang had remained silent during the exchange. His skin was flushed and his eyes were glassy, and he didn’t look away from San. 

Gahyeon spoke again. “Do you want to sit with us?”

San briefly considered it, but decided that the situation was strange enough as is. Sitting down for drinks with the ex-wife of whatever Yeosang was to him, and her new partner, seemed like something out of a drama. “Thanks, but I should go home. Some other time, maybe,” he added out of politeness.

“We should probably go, too,” said Handong with a chuckle. “Seems like we’re going to have to carry Yeosang back to the apartment.”

“I’m not that drunk,” Yeosang finally said, and to his credit, he kept the slurring to a minimum.

Gahyeon rolled her eyes and said, “You were that drunk three glasses of scotch ago. We should have cut you off then.” She smiled fondly at him, and San’s chest tightened.

He was about to take his leave when Yeosang abruptly declared, “I want to go with you.”

San could only gawk at him, taken aback. The two women didn’t seem all that shocked, though. Gahyeon looked amused as she said, “I know it’s a pain having us in your space, but that’s no reason to inconvenience your friend, Yeosang.” 

The auditor stood up on unsteady feet, shook his head and repeated in a slightly whiny voice, “I want to go with Sannie.” His lips were slightly pouty as he looked at him, eyes pleading.

San would never have believed that Kang Yeosang’s cold and composed façade crumbled under the influence of alcohol. He was so adorable that San couldn’t help the smile that stretched his lips and the fondness that spread in his chest. “Are you sure?” he asked, choosing not to comment about being referred to as _Sannie_.

Yeosang nodded, and so it was settled. 

After reassuring Gahyeon and Handong that he didn’t mind and that he’d take care of the other man, San booked a ride back to his apartment and led Yeosang out into the cold night air to wait for the car. They stood on the sidewalk in silence, San humming a tune that was stuck in his head.

Yeosang fell asleep soon after they settled in the backseat of the car, his head leaning on San’s shoulder. The familiar scent of his cologne sent the accountant’s stomach swooping. It had been so long since he’d been this physically close to Yeosang, that the sheer yearning he felt right then scared him a little. He kept his hands to himself, however, and looked out the window towards the city lights.

When the car pulled up at his front door, he gently woke Yeosang, who silently followed him out of the vehicle and into the building. Once they were inside the apartment, San handed him a bottle of water and stood by to make sure he drank all of it before showing him to the bathroom. He went to his bedroom and started preparing the bed. He’d never needed an extra blanket when Yeosang came over because all they did was fuck, but it was probably better not to share the one San used. This was a platonic sleepover. 

He heard a throat being cleared and turned to see Yeosang standing by the door, looking somewhat awkward. San realized they hadn’t said a word to each other since they had left the bar. “Do you need sleeping clothes?” he asked.

Yeosang shook his head and didn’t move.

“I’m going to the bathroom now, make yourself comfortable,” San said. He heard the murmured “Thank you,” as he walked past the auditor, and it made him smile.

After removing his makeup, brushing his teeth and changing into a t-shirt and sweats, San turned off the lights in the apartment and walked back to the bedroom. Yeosang was in bed, wrapped up in his blanket, his mop of black hair peeking out of the fabric. San climbed into bed after putting his phone to charge, and got comfortable as he listened to the other man’s breathing. 

After several minutes of stillness and silence, he felt movement next to him. Yeosang’s palm hesitantly covered his. It was dry and warm, and San didn’t have to think about anything as he laced their fingers together, and let sleep claim him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cute drunk Yeosang is canon.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for making it this far! Kudos and comments are immensely appreciated.
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Valaena123)


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